Thanksgiving, Binge Eating, and Leftovers

Be comforted dear soul! There is always light behind the clouds.

~Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

Thanksgiving should be a day of thanks, a day of praise, a day of gratitude, but often for the food addict it’s a day of all out gobbling. Sure, there’s gratitude but it’s not in the front of the addicts mind. Food is!

 

Thanksgiving for the food addict is like line after line of cocaine for the cocaine addict who is trying to abstain. Nobody would think to do that to the recovered drug addict, but little thought is given to the binge eater on this festive day. Heck, she/he should just “control” her food intake and eat in moderation.

Although with good intentions, moderate eating sounds like a simple solution but impossible if the doorway to platter after platter of hot mashed potatoes lathered in gravy, stuffing, hot rolls drenched in butter and one decadent desert after another right is in plain sight with an open invitation—especially once the food addict puts the chemicals (sugar, flour, wheat) into the system which ignites the binge.

Hi, my name is Lisa and I’m a food addict (in recovery!) and I know what the horror of this disease is like, especially on a holiday such as Thanksgiving, and the days to follow.  

Is there always a light behind the clouds?

Can you remain true to your clean eating Thanksgiving weekend with all the leftover festive side dishes ever-so-present every time you open the refrigerator, pantry, or look on the counter tops?  Let’s get real, these foods are calling you and you are blaming yourself for indulging.

It’s not your fault! You have a food addiction and there’s a dark cloud over you.

Food addiction is a loss of control over eating coupled with the physiological tolerance and psychological dependence that occurs when a specific stimulus (food) is ingested. Typically, this addiction can result in negative consequences for basic life functions and relationships with family; social situations; intimate relationships; the sufferers relationship with God and spiritual development; or in relation to the law, health, and work life.

Early in childhood I was fixated on sugar—never getting enough and going to great extremes to obtain it: stealing, hiding and hoarding. Although I didn’t have an awareness of food addiction, I knew something was wrong with my relationship with food. In hindsight, I realized I ate out of control and bargained with myself and God to stop—after this one last pastry.

I felt shame if I got caught stealing food or money to buy food; yet, I didn’t have the mentality to understand I was compulsive eating until my adolescent years when weight began to pile on. And even then I didn’t know there was an actual eating disorder called, binge eating disorder—and that I had it.

The depiction of addiction to food resembles the hallmarks of any addiction. The food addict is caught in the grip of a compulsive, habitual behavior that can’t be controlled.

Thanksgiving was not always a time for me to sit in gratitude. I’m a recovering food addict, and in the past, Thanksgiving marked the eating frenzy that launched my holiday eating. On Thanksgiving day I’d eat until I could eat no more—until the food was all the way up to the rim of my throat and my pants cut into my bulging stomach—promising I’d diet come Monday. And Monday never came.

This Monday, for me,  is just another Monday.  No guilt. No shame. I’ll go forth and continue to eat my four healthy meals spaced four hours  apart—and life goes on—in recovery.

How did you handle your Thanksgiving? What about the leftovers? What would you do differently? 

Photo by: Dr. Lisa Ortigara Crego

http://twitter.com/#!/Drlisaort

http://Weightcontroltherapy.com

Help! Do I Have an Eating Disorder?

“Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power.”

~Seneca

Have you ever gone back for an extra serving of food when you weren't hungry? How about mindless eating between meals on occasion? I’m sure most of us at some time or another took an additional serving (or two) of food or ate unplanned meals especially during holidays, birthdays, hurricanes and long weekends. Let's face it temptations to over-indulge are all around us. But when is it a problem—an illness?

When was the last time you binged on a block of spinach or a bushel of apples? I'm willing to bet not too often. How about a box of brownies, chocolate chip cookies, or a bag of potato chips? Ah...hitting a nerve am I? If you watch your friends, acquaintances, or how about a stranger in a restaurant, I’m certain you will witness at every turn someone who binge eats. Do you?

So, what makes the difference between an occasional over indulgence and an eating disorder? When is it an eating disorder? And of course addiction plays into the mix too. What about food addiction? To make matters more confusing, when is it binge eating disorder and when it is food addiction? And, could it actually be a combination of the two?
 Let’s face it, millions of Americans hide, steal, and hoard food anticipating a secret binge. After their indulgence they're filled with remorse and shame promising to never over eat again. One of the least discussed and most common eating disorder is binge eating disorder. Binge eating is defined as over eating a large amount of food in a small period of time, at least three times a week for six months or longer. Binge eating, or compulsive eating—as it is more familiarly known—affects more than 20 million people in the United States alone. And yet, we focus more on bulimia nervosa and anorexia when it comes to eating disorders.

Although bulimia and anorexia nervosa are the eating disorders that pop into most minds when discussion of dysfunctional eating surface, in my practice, the majority of my eating disordered patients suffer from binge eating disorder and/or obesity. This isn't to say all bingers are obese or even overweight, because some actually can be of normal weight. Also, not all overweight persons binge eat. And where does food addiction fit into the mix?

 Confusing? Yes, for sure it is…

 The biggest challenge is to sort through whether the patient has food addiction, binge eating disorder, or a combination of the two.

The food addict also eats a large amount of food in a small period of time, and like compulsive eating, it comes with consequences that can be lethal, such as obesity, heart disease, relationship issues, body image, and et cetera. The big difference between the two disorders is food addicts crave specific foods that are uncontrollable no matter what attempts they put forth to stop (i.e., dieting, restricting, exercising, et cetera).

I liken food addiction, an uncontrollable craving for high sugar and processed foods, to recreational drugs such as cocaine, heroin, and nicotine. And the food addict needs to consume the sugary/starchy substance in order to function—to feel "normal." In all addiction cases, the substance dependent consumes larger amounts of their drug for longer periods than were normally intended with persistent desires or repeated unsuccessful attempts to quit—even if it interrupts social, recreational, and family interaction—because the addicted substance takes precedence.

When it comes to treatment for binge eating disorder it is often not about the food but rather about the emotional deficits. When it comes to treatment for food addiction it is about the food—specific foods that trigger the compulsion to consume large amounts of it no matter what the cost. Although binge eating disorder and food addiction share many of the same symptoms, food addiction shares the emotional component of binge eating disorder as well as the symptoms such as obsession with body, weight, mood shifts, closet eating, stealing, where compulsive eating is about the inability to deal with emotions.

I suffered from food addiction and binge eating disorder as far back as I can remember—I just didn't know what it was called. I thought there was something wrong with me mentally. I craved chocolate, doughnuts, chips, and anything gooey and sweet beyond normalcy and I tried every diet under the sun—including diet pills, commercial diet centers, starvation, over exercising, none of which helped me tame the compulsion to eat beyond full in spite of the detrimental consequences, which in my case was obesity.

I wish I knew then what I know now about eating disorders, treatment, and spiritual recovery. Perhaps I could have avoided all the pain and suffering with my weight up and my weight down—an endless battle—until now. Today, I live life without the torture of worrying about getting heavy, craving foods I can’t control the amount of. And spiritually my cup is full.

So, if you are one to eat an extra serving, two, or three beyond holidays, birthdays, hunkered down for hurricanes, and long weekend temptations, when you weren't hungry, to the point of devastating consequences that hamper the quality of your life, perhaps you may suffer from an eating disorder such as food addiction, binge eating disorder (compulsive eating) or both intertwined.

 My 20 years experience as a clinical psychotherapist, a PhD in addiction psychology, certified eating disorder specialist, certified addiction professional, and national board certified clinical hypnotherapist has not only made me a recognized expert in my field, but also made me privy to understanding the experience of those (and myself) releasing their obsessions with food and turning to their connection with the divine energy (known as God for some) and people.

 http://weightcontroltherapy.com/

Photos by Dr. Lisa Ortigara Crego

 

You Might be a Food Addict If...

Did you ever eat well beyond full for days upon days without any relief from a full belly? Did you ever eat tray after tray of sweetened pastries? Do you think about eating every wakened moment? Do you shake when you abruptly stop eating certain foods? Have you been on a series of diets with little to no success? Well, if you've said yes to more than three of these questions you just might be a food addict.

Food addiction is defined as an uncontrollable urge for excess food, particularly refined carbohydrates such as sugar and flour substances, which are quick to metabolize. The disease, food addiction, is truly a disease—it's biochemical in nature because the body of the food addict reacts differently to some foods than the bodies of other people. A common link between food addicts is sensitivity to sugars and certain carbohydrates.

Food addiction is often scorned upon by the public, some doctors, and even eating disorder treatment centers. I’ve heard some call this idea cult-like thinking.

Eating disorders are broken down to anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorder. As far as eating disorders go, anorexia and bulimia get the most attention. But it turns out that binge eating is the most common. It's not uncommon for a binge eater to wolf down five chocolate eclairs in one sitting and still want for more.

A new survey of more than 9,000 Americans published in the current issue of the Journal of Biological Psychiatry found that binge eating disorder occurs in nearly 4 percent of people, whereas anorexia and bulimia occur in 0.6 percent and 1 percent, respectively.

Binge eaters typically consume more than 1,500 calories in one sitting between meals when they're not particularly hungry, and they binge at least two times a week. As a result, they're five times as likely to be severely obese, which puts them at a greater risk of obesity-related problems like heart disease, diabetes, liver disease, and colon cancer.

Binge eating is an ingredient to food addiction. Not all binge eaters are food addicts; however, all food addicts binge eat. I liken food addiction to heroin or any drug or alcohol addiction in that sufferers find that taking a small taste of chocolate leads them to inhale en entire six-pack of bars followed by a bag of chips and anything else they can get their hands on. This is the same loss of control noted with all addictions followed by the same remorse after. Depression ensues along with self-hate.

Sadly, most binge eaters suffer alone telling no one of their secret never getting the help they need. Psychiatrists tend to treat binge eating as an anxiety/eating disorder prescribing Topamax or Meridia. Yes, these medicines may slow down the urge to eat but it's treating the symptom rather than the problem. Instead, treatment with goals to change and redirect the thoughts, perception, and behavior can produce long term, life changing results. This is not to say medication is not needed in some cases for it most surely is. In some situations medication is needed with therapy.

It's my experience, as a clinician, hypnosis and cognitive/behavioral therapy, along with removing sugar, flour, and wheat from the diet, produces amazing long–term results—quieting the monster within normalizing the eating.

You may be a food addict particularly if you demonstrate the following behaviors several times per week or more:

1. I think about what I’m going to eat at all hours of the day regardless if I just ate a full meal.

2. I plot and plan and worry about cutting down on specific foods. I promise I’ll just eat one slice of cake and save the rest for later, and of course later never comes because I consumed the entire cake.

3. I feel sluggish or fatigued from overeating. I passed out in a nearly finished bowl of spaghetti.

4. I eat past full in spite of pain from my distended stomach.

5. I hide foods and eat them in the locked bathroom (turning on the bath water to drown the sound of opening packages of sweets and crunchy starches) or bedroom where no one can see me.

6. I suffer from withdrawal symptoms when I try to abstain from specific foods like chocolate candy bars, ice cream, cake, or pasta.

7. I steal foods and have left or considered leaving my child unattended to get my food fix.

8. I panic when my “trigger foods” run low or at the thought of never eating them again. I'll simply curl up in a corner and die if I can never eat chocolate cake again!

9. I must have certain foods regardless of who I might hurt to get them.

10.I eat full meals right after I just ate a full meal—there is no full button.

11. I sleep in a reclining chair or with several pillows propped under my head for fear of regurgitation from previously inhaling a large amount of food in a short period of time.

12. I turn down most events to stay home alone to eat.

So, what's the answer to recover from such a debilitating disease?

In my practice I find the most success with patients is combining cognitive behavioral therapy, hypnosis, and for some who are comfortable with a twelve-step anonymous program (Food Addicts Anonymous) geared for spiritual recovery from food addiction.

 
I also suggest eating three meals a day plus a metabolic boost every four hours to prevent hunger and reaching blindly for the wrong foods out of sheer panic.

Avoid sugar, flour, and wheat and instead add fresh fruits, vegetables, lean protein, low fat dairy, whole grains and starches, and a tablespoon of fat to your daily food regime. In addition, eat a wide variety of foods rather than consuming the same types of foods at each meal to avoid developing sensitivity to these foods as well.

Remember to never let yourself get too hungry and carry foods with you when you know you won't be home or close to a place where you can get the right foods.

No doubt it’s challenging to overcome food addiction in our environment, which is almost unlimited amounts of tasty processed foods laced in sugar, fat, and starch but you can, I'm living proof.

Photos by: Benjamin Crego and Dr. Lisa respectively

http://weightcontroltherapy.com/

Chemical Reactions To Food

I’m often asked how I went from 234 pounds to 139 pounds after years of bouncing up and down with my weight. Let’s be clear, I was the yo yo dieter of the year from early adolescents through my thirties. My weight and my relationship with food were a constant struggle for me until I began to understand my chemical reaction to certain foods.

After years of trial and error, research, clinical knowledge, weight loss, and stability of weight, I became a gentler spirit once I accepted sugar, flour and wheat caused me great distress. I learned highly processed, high fat, high sugar foods immediately produced a massive headache, irritability, and an all out food binge.

These days, I follow a simple formula breaking down each meal with structure (four meals a day each consisting of specific foods: fruit, protein, fat, vegetables, low fat dairy, and whole grains) and commitment rather than eating randomly. I also include daily exercise such as walking or biking along the ocean and try and live my life as a prayer.

No, I am certainly not perfect (and realize I sound as if this is so easy), and life is not always bliss. I would love to eat any food I want, but I realize the consequences aren’t worth the indulgence. I do get mad at life when I’m tired and work too many hours, or when I have to turn down an invitation to an event because the atmosphere won’t be conducive to my bringing my own foods, or when everyone will be eating a delectable piece of chocolate cake and I’ll be stuck eating a piece of fruit with yogurt.

But, no matter what life struggles present themselves, I know that binge eating simply isn’t an option—nor are sugar, flour, or wheat on my food list, because I understand that the sleeping giant of addiction within will wake, and chaos will return with a vengeance if I ingest any of these. I compare my situation to that of a heroin addict, who can't have just a smidgen of heroin; he must abstain completely to stay clean.

When I began to follow these specific guidelines—even when I didn’t want to—my negative mind chatter quieted, and for the first time I could become still, and hear God’s whispers. I connected to my inner strengths, and a spiritual understanding emerged in me. I found inner peace, God, and love. Love for myself, others, and the universe evolved inside me.

Not only was I calmer, kinder, and less self-centered, but I began to perceive a bigger picture. I saw food as real and not real: God’s food and man’s food. I chose food of the earth, sea, and air rather than processed and boxed. I turned to God, and the "noise" in my head ceased, and the addiction flattened. These days, I eat to live rather than live to eat. Healthful foods and a refreshed faith are now my fuel to retain optimal health and weight.


Photo Taken By:  Dr. Lisa Ortigara Crego



Revising Your Path to Releasing Your Obsession with Food…

Don’t you wish someone could tell you how close you are to finally resolving your weight issues and food obsession? Don’t you wish someone could say, “If you just keep at it and understand why you eat you’re certain to stop binge eating?”

Or even if it would be heartbreaking, wouldn’t it be nice to be told that you’re wasting your time going on yet another diet, so that you could move on, try another tack, or simply eat foods that bring you personal pleasure and release your obsession from food, with no other aim in mind?

I’ve counseled thousands of patients and spoke to large groups over the years. Even though I may not able to personally work with each of them, I can usually say something definitive about what their next steps should be. I often see when their diet is wasting their time.

No matter where you are on your own food path, it’s smart to periodically take stock of where you’re headed, and revise your eating plan as necessary. Here are some steps you can take to do just that.

Recognizing Yo Yo Dieting Isn’t Working

I’m often asked how I went from overweight to normal weight after years of bouncing up and down with my weight. Let’s be clear, I was the yo yo dieter of the year from early adolescents through my thirties. My weight and my relationship with food were a constant struggle for me until I began to understand my chemical reaction to certain foods. After years of trial and error, research, clinical knowledge, weight loss, and stability of weight, I recognized eating whole, natural foods free of sugar, flour, and wheat restored my moods and I instantly became calm and centered.

Eat Three Meals and One Half-Meal Daily

These days, I follow a simple formula breaking down each meal with structure (four meals a day each consisting of specific foods: fruit, protein, fat, vegetables, low fat dairy, and whole grains) and commitment rather than eating randomly. I also include daily exercise such as walking or biking along the ocean and try and live my life as a prayer.

Progress Not Perfection

No, I am certainly not perfect (and realize I sound as if this is so easy), and life is not always bliss. I would love to eat any food I want, but I realize the consequences aren’t worth the indulgence. I do get mad at life when I’m tired and work too many hours, or when I have to turn down an invitation to an event because the atmosphere won’t be conducive to my bringing my own foods, or when everyone will be eating a delectable piece of chocolate cake and I’ll be stuck eating a piece of fruit with yogurt. But, no matter what life struggles present themselves, I know that binge eating simply isn’t an option—nor are sugar, flour, or wheat on my food list, because I understand that the sleeping giant of addiction within will wake, and chaos will return with a vengeance if I ingest any of these. I compare my situation to that of a heroin addict, who can't have just a smidgeon of heroin; he must abstain completely to stay clean.

Make Room—A Higher Source Is Present

When I began to follow these specific guidelines—even when I didn’t want to—my negative mind chatter quieted, and for the first time I could become still, and hear God’s whispers. I connected to my inner strengths, and a spiritual understanding emerged in me. I found inner peace, God, and love. Love for myself, others, and the universe evolved inside me.

Not only was I calmer, kinder, and less self-centered, but I began to perceive a bigger picture. I saw food as real and not real: God’s food and man’s food. I chose food of the earth, sea, and air rather than processed and boxed. I turned to God, and the "noise" in my head ceased, and the addiction flattened. These days, I eat to live rather than live to eat. Healthful foods and a refreshed faith are now my fuel to retain optimal health and weight.

Last Thoughts

At the very beginning of this blog, I suggested it’s possible to release your obsession from food addiction when you let go of diet mentality if someone can lead the journey or point you in the right direction.

Here’s a little piece of hope: If your immediate thought was, I can’t live with obsessive eating any longer, then you are much closer to making peace with your food addiction than you might think. The battle is much more chemically imbalanced than you might think. Those who can’t be dissuaded are much more likely to reach their goals, regardless of the path they originally chose.


Photo by: Dr. Lisa Ortigara Crego

A Day at the Beach...

A Day at the Beach...


Today was one of those incredible days. I took a long bike ride along the beach in total awe at the magnificent purple and peach hues peeking through the cluster of white clouds as a backdrop to the crisp shades of blue that twinkled off the sea. With each press down on the pedal I gave thanks for all my blessings that continue to flow into my life. I remember a time when cycling was quite difficult for my 234 pound frame to have enough stamina to make it over the bridge without an abrupt stop to walk the incline.

This very shoreline in Hollywood, Florida is no strange place to me. Yvonne, my very best friend, and I were in our mid and early twenties respectively when we managed to scrape together enough money from our income tax return and jumped on a plane from Chicago and headed to what I refer to as paradise. I fell totally in love with Florida years before when I was only twelve and promised to one day return. I did.

Now, I fast forward 31 years on this very beach that brought me joy back then and today (though much has happened) with the birth of new memories, though I cling to what was. At 44 years old Yvonne passed away unexpectedly in her sleep but I hold on to the ten years of reminiscence when we flew back and forth from Chicago until I finally took the plunge and moved here permanently. So our giggles, tears, and serious talks live on in me and the beauty today I am so blessed to embrace is still the same.

Many a bike rides, power walks, and baby carriage strolls I indulged on this very beach. In my twenties with Yvonne I was knee-deep in my food addiction with a preoccupation with food and my body weight. Back then, I thought I didn't have "will" power to maintain any kind of diet to earn a "respectable" body size. Today I know it had nothing to do with diets or will power and everything to do with a chemical imbalance when I ate certain foods. I didn't have a clue that I couldn't tolerate sugar, flour, and wheat. I wish I did.

All I knew in my younger years was that I had uncontrollable cravings and never had enough to eat and lived life in shame. I thought there was something wrong with me because I had no control over my food while Yvonne couldn't care less about when, what, or how we ate as she pranced about with this amazing body tucked in a teeny tiny bikini and I hid behind an oversized t-shirt.

Today, as my strong lean legs gracefully pump the pedals with such ease the warm ocean breeze cools my face. I am alive and free. I'm liberated from the pain that comes from binge eating addictive foods. I am in such a different frame of mind compared to those yesteryears. Daily, I practice active recovery from food addiction.

As long as I eat three balanced meals at the same time each day and a metabolic snack, free of sugar, flour, and wheat I am good. I don't need anything more or less. I operate at an optimal level and all guilt and shame is completely wiped away. My body is a "normal" weight, and on and off diet mentality is no longer the way I live my life. Instead, I adopted a healthy lifestyle where I walk, bike, meditate, play, pray, eat healthy "real" foods, all sprinkled with spiritual balance as my base.

Today was one of those incredible days I wished to bottle forever but thunder in the background shook me from my daze and pushed me to a Lance Armstrong pedal pace to beat the storm. I'm grateful and thankful for a beach day and to you Yvonne for insisting we spend our money and make Florida an annual trip when we were young girls with crazy dreams. Without your nudge I wouldn't live in paradise blessed with a healthy body and a healthy mind where dreams do come true.

Life is good! I am thankful...


Photo by: Dr. Lisa Ortigara Crego

I'm a Food Junkie...

My first real summer job, at the age of 13, was at the local bakery in town in Wautoma, Wisconsin. Getting that job I’d thought I won the lottery ticket. I had access to the goods five days a week with little supervision. It was a Willie Wonka life—for real. I ate bakery from the second the boss left until I clocked out.

Hi, my name is Lisa—I’m a food junkie. A food junkie thinks about food every waking moment: She/He is an addict. An addict is someone who is physiologically dependent on a substance.

My dependence began in early childhood but I wasn’t aware of it. At first I needed a doughnut to feel calm and it progressed to two, three, and four—and before I knew it the bakers dozen wasn’t cutting it.

I binged daily on cakes, cookies, doughnuts and freshly baked hot bread slathered in butter. But soon after taking my first bite of a “sugary/salty treat,” I fluctuated between a hair-raising, euphoric “sugar high” and a dark, negative wretchedness. To make matters worse, my weight swelled to 100 pounds over my ideal weight.

An abrupt deprivation of simple carbohydrates produced withdrawal symptoms. Chocolate bars, cakes, cookies, alcoholic beverages, sweetened soft drinks are simple sugar sources that provide calories, but usually no nutrients. From the sugar, I experienced depression, anxiety, and irritability only to return back to such sweets to fend off my melancholy, tranquilize my sense of being ill at ease, and lessen my agony—intense physical and mental suffering.

I experienced a violent struggle between outbursts of excitement and despair. A vicious cycle indeed! I didn’t realize these quickly metabolized carbohydrates briefly made me feel wonderful but then took me from that deceptive, blissful high to a tumultuous low.

I developed a physical dependence from chronic use of chocolate, cookies, cakes, and salty pretzels, which produced a high tolerance to them.

The chemical dependence is related to changes in the addict’s brain chemistry. Those changes involve the “pleasure circuit,” where, because of sensitivity to these substances, certain neurotransmitters and receptors create pleasurable feelings after being stimulated by simple carbohydrates.

With an abrupt deprivation of simple carbs, I experienced withdrawal symptoms, including severe headaches and body aches, and I broke out in a cold sweat and was irritable and fatigued. I found comfort in nothing except returning to sweets and starches.

In order to experience the symptoms of withdrawal, one must have first developed a chemical dependence. This happens after consuming one or more of these substances for a certain period of time, which is both dose dependent and varies based upon the drug consumed.

I first developed a chemical dependence after consuming sweets and salty simple carbohydrates every day in large quantities for months, to the point of being well beyond full. The negative symptoms of withdrawal were the result of abrupt discontinuation or cutting back on the amounts I consumed.

The higher the dose of sugar and starches typically the worse the physical dependence, and thus, the worse the withdrawal symptoms. Withdrawal symptoms can last days, weeks, or months, or on occasion even longer and will vary from individual to individual.

Although my sensitivity to certain foods was well in place in my formative years (and most likely from conception) it was my first real summer job at the local baker that really opened my eyes that I had a problem. My weight soared and I couldn’t stop eating. Answers and solutions only came to me later in life after years of studying, working with patients and making drastic changes in my own life style.

I learned if I numb my feelings through addictive foods I am incapable if action or feeling emotion, blocking joy from my life and entering a vicious cycle. But, but when I allowed myself to be vulnerable and let myself be “seen” rather than anesthetized from addictive foods, I could reach a spiritual awakening and perhaps with my awareness I can drop a seed of hope to others.

Why Can't I Stop Eating?

So, you ask yourself,'Why can't I stop eating?' or 'What's wrong with me that I’m eating a huge amount of food—when I’m not even hungry?'

Did you ever consider you may have an eating disorder? Okay, it's harsh to even consider the idea. Nobody wants to be "labeled" with a disorder. I get that. I have binge eating disorder and denied it for years until one day (after gaining and losing and gaining close to 100 pounds) I came to my senses and admitted I had an eating disorder and gradually changed my relationship with food; hence, my journey to recovery began. Was it easy? Certainly not! Was it doable? Absolutely!

Let's face it, change doesn't come easy for most of us and learning we might have a disorder that requires cognitive/behavioral changes is darn right scary. So what does one do? I believe the answer begins by making choices towards a healthy life style. We can hunker down to what is familiar—not willing to budge—or we can step out of our comfort zone and try recovery strategies that may seem foreign at first.

As an expert in eating disorders, I have found answers not only for myself but also for my patients who have binge eating disorder, bulimia, anorexia, food addiction, or a combination of all four. You may wonder if it’s possible to move in and out of binge eating, purging, and restricting—the answer is yes. In fact, it’s not uncommon to dance between a mix of eating disorders.

You may find it interesting to learn, bulimia and anorexia are the eating disorders most familiar, but not most common. Patients often gasp when they learn that eating a large amount of food in a small period of time with little regards for consequences (and not purging) actually has a name and is considered an eating disorder that is more common than bulimia and anorexia. Most of my patients (including myself) have binge eating disorder without purging food. After an episode of bingeing, often the person harbors guilt and shame promising after this last binge they’ll get back to their diet and never engage in volume eating again.

Once my patients get past the fact they have a disorder, and that it actually has a name—binge eating disorder—they move into acceptance and a recovery plan.

So now, when you ask yourself, ‘why am I bingeing', you may want to take a closer look at what's going on in your life? Let's be clear, if you spend the evening hunkered down in a coma-state watching television, and to your surprise realize you inhaled an entire bag of potato chips, you are not automatically a binge eater. A binge eater frets over the fact they lost control over their food and may even fear they can't stop eating once they start and an intense fear of weight gain. Furthermore, it's not uncommon for a compulsive eater to hide their food and binge alone—filled with shame when the binge is over.

The cause and recovery strategy for compulsive eating is up for grabs—with many theories. Some say it is a chemical imbalance and name it food addiction. Some find it is an emotional crisis and bingeing is a way to avoid something bothersome. And still others find it is a spiritual deficit. I say, it's a three-prong problem: spiritual, emotional, and physical.

Most of my patients contact me because they want to lose weight and they tried every "diet" imaginable and still can't stop eating. Eating beyond full is common with a person suffering from binge eating disorder. What is causing this behavior? Perhaps you're sensitive to sugar, flour, and wheat due to a chemical imbalance causing you to crave more and more food, especially from sweet and starchy food choices.

You may have trouble resisting a binge because you suffer from a food addiction and/or an eating disorder. The answer is not simple and it requires a process that involves change in thoughts and behaviors. The first step for you is to get familiar with trigger foods and start weaning off of them. After a binge (or before would be ideal!) ask yourself a series of questions:

1. Was I hungry? When was the last time I ate? If it was more than five hours you most likely were hungry.
2. Was I angry about something? Is there something going on in my life that I feel out of control, anxious, hopeless, and/or helpless?
3. Am I lonely or feeling alone?
4. Am I tired? Did I get an ample amount of sleep?
5. Am I stressed? Do I have too much to do and little time for relaxation and fun?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, it may be the first place to address your eating issues. Also, pay attention to the foods you’re eating. Perhaps you are sensitive to processed foods such as: bread, cakes, cookies, flour, et cetera. So, if you ask yourself, 'Why can't I stop bingeing?' or 'What is wrong with me that I'm eating a huge amount of food when I’m not even hungry?', you may have an eating disorder or a chemical imbalance that triggers uncontrollable cravings and volume eating. My suggestion is to seek a certified eating disorder professional who can help you address these issues and move into recovery and quality living.

Where is Spirit?

Where is spirit? Where do you find it? Do we all have a spiritual guide? A chapter in my manuscript discusses the impact of the ever presence of strong spirituality. With regards to compulsive eating, some believe without spiritual energy one is blocked from reaching their peak because the noise is too loud – telling you to eat foods that are going to make you sick – yet you eat them anyway because the voice tells you to. The voice that is saying it is okay this one time because you will begin your diet tomorrow or Monday or on some special holiday. Lent is here and it is a time many addicts vow to not eat, drink, smoke or whatever the vice is for 40 days and 40 nights. A promise to cleanse and begin anew.


Father Tom pressed his thumb hard against my forehead mumbling "ashes to ashes – dust to dust" as he left the imprint of a charcoal colored cross taking up most of the space above my eyes and below my hairline. I walked around wearing my thumb print for all to see– ready to take up the cross and repent – and give up something. This year I relinquished salt and sweeteners. To some this may sound simple, for me it is a gargantuan task. I sprinkle salt on everything and sweeteners are soon to follow. How will my spirit take over my cravings. Will they just be lifted or do I consciously give them up? Do I put the focus on salt and sweeteners or on spirit?

I think of spirit like fresh snow draping over tree branches as they dip low in the early morning with bird prints sprawled below; the scent of freshly cut grass mixed with spring Lilly's and sea air; Sage pressing her cold wet nose in my hand in hopes I will pet her soft luscious white coat; a baby smiling and cooing as it looks at me in hoisted position off her mothers shoulder; sitting on the dock with a hot cup of tea after planting fresh daisies below the cobalt sky and bluish gray waters dancing like diamonds sprinkled about. Spirit is everywhere. Everywhere is spirit. I invite and embrace it. Spirit enters and addictions are pushed far back - almost a dream – at least for this moment.

The day after pledging your penance reality sits in. Wanting what you have agreed to give up comes calling. Wondering if you really can go 40 days without your designated "drug." It is easy to say I swear and promise I will give this substance up as the palm ashed cross is securely placed and visible for all to see. But the day after is an entirely different feel. The withdrawals begin to set in and missing your favorite "whatever" comes calling. It is at this point you ask where is my spirit that will lead me to recovery? Where?

Where is spirit? Spirit is here, there, and everywhere – always present – always ready to serve. It requires no cue – it just is. You can't touch it, smell it, or see it, but if you're still enough you can feel it. It is available for everyone whether you are tall, short, big, small, black, white or in between. Spirit has no face yet is in each face. Spirit is here. Is now. Lent is here. I give my salt and sweetener to you higher energy and welcome the freedom.


Photos by: Dr. Lisa Ortigara Crego

Sitting on the Dock: Pelican and Me

I am sitting on the dock with a mug of tea watching this very pelican and wondering if he(she?) was thinking about anything in particular. He looked so comfortable, like he didn't have a care in the world. As for me, I was close to comfortable, sitting with my hot tea on the very same dock I have sat on a million times for the past 40 years. Tons of memories flooded in. Like the time when I was on the edge of becoming a teenager and I helped my grand parents move into this very beach house.

I remember the first time my feet touched Florida soil and I knew I was home. I had no doubt this was where I belonged. It took many visits until I actually made the move and left my entire family in Chicago, as I was Florida bound. I was in my late 20's. Back in my formative years, I sat on this very dock in my bikini trying to tan and feeling fat. I was 115 pounds! I was already obsessed with sugary foods and dieting. I was already sneaking into my grandmothers chocolate coconut patties, mango marmalade, and whatever old candy bars I could find in the fridge that my grandfather had. I remember eating a candy that was on its way to turning into rubber. This did not matter...it was chocolate and it was sweet...and it made me "feel" better when I ate it.

I had no idea I was entering into binge eating disorder, an eating disorder that is still up for discussion in the DSM-IV-TR (the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th ed.). I also did not know I had food addiction, which is why when I put the sugar and chocolate into my mouth I instantly felt better; at least for a moment. The question that often arises from my patients is whether food addiction and binge eating are the same thing? I too asked the very question over and over.

What is food addiction? Food addiction involves engaging repeatedly in episodes of binge eating regardless of adverse consequences, while in aggressive pursuit of a mood change. Hmmm...sounds to me like they are intertwined to some degree. What is this aggressive eating? Well, it is the compulsion, an irresistible impulse, to eat a specific food(s), especially in an irrational state or contrary to one's will. The urge is about ingesting this food no matter what.

What is binge eating? Binge eating is eating a large amount of food in a small period of time regardless of the consequences. In my experience as a certified eating disorder specialist and as a recovering food addict, binge eating and food addiction go hand in hand.The Compulsion is always present in the disease of addiction, whether it is cocaine, vodka, or a chocolate bar. My research has led me to know the food addict has a metabolic, biochemical imbalance, which results in the characteristic symptoms of addiction. The foodaholic is obsessed with food (usually sugary, high fat, starchy foods) ingesting large quantities of these foods to destructive and/or negative consequences physically, emotionally, mentally, and relationally.

Given the definition of binge eating and food addiction, it is apparent they are intertwined in most cases. Could a person binge eat and not be a food addict? There are many eating disorder specialists that would agree one can be a binge eater without having a food addiction; however, an acctive food addict always binge eats. I am a food addict and I binged. Yes, binged...past tense. I am still a food addict but I choose to live life in recovery rather than in the disease. There is a price for my sanity: not eating sugar, flour, and wheat. It is a small price, given I have no cravings or irresistible urge to eat sugar, flour, and wheat. It is a small price to pay when my body is a "normal" weight and I am not going on and off of diets? It is a small price to pay when the insanity and chatter in my mind is completely silent, peaceful, and full of serenity.

So, as I am sitting on the dock, watching this pelican while sipping on my mug of tea, I think I figured out what my new feathery friend is thinking about. He has been watching the water intensely and as soon as he saw the little fish in plain view he made a beeline towards it and scarfed it up. He was waiting for food...but not the way I used to sit on this dock thinking about food 40 years ago. I was thinking about sneaking into the fridge and the pantry to steal the foods and then figure out where to hide it so I could eat it fast and furiously...and alone. My new buddy (the pelican) was looking for food as fuel...nothing more...nothing less. He was eating for survival. So...I sit here, comfortable and at peace for I truly have not a care in the world. Life is good!

Photo taken by Dr. Lisa Ortigara Crego

Addicted to a Twinky?

I was reading an interesting article tonight on emerging trends in addiction treatment (Price, 2009) in the Monitor on Psychology. What I found interesting was the emphasis on new treatments for illicit drugs like marijuana and cocaine and licit drugs such as Xanax, Vicodin, and Oxycontin. Of course these addictions and some of the new treatments are not new to me as an addiction professional; however, what is interesting is the attention abuse of these drugs receives.

What about those suffering from addictions to food? The response to the triggers is almost identical. Whether the addiction is cocaine or a twinky, there is a loss of control, physiological tolerance, and psychological dependence occurring when the specific stimulus is ingested (or snorted or mainlined) resulting in negative consequences in basic life functions. These negative consequences include, relationships with: family, social situations, intimate relationships, spiritual or God, the law, health, and work life.

This sounds so dramatic when you think in light of a twinky! Could a person do something drastic if they have an addiction to sugar, flour, and wheat? I did! I remember some really foolish things I did when I was into my trigger foods. I remember one time driving over to the west coast of Florida in my 8 cylinder, 5 speed Mustang convertible with the top down, wind blowing through my hair...my 75 pound dog and then young son accompanying me, while eating a taco salad, shifting, and driving on a major highway weaving in and out of traffic. My reckless behavior certainly could have had severe consequences. I was using my hands to eat and my knees to steer the wheel, down shifting when needed, letting go of the wheel with one of my hands. This was definitely loss of control and possible disaster, just to get my foods in.

In my situation, phsyiological tolerance was evident. There was a time I was eating enough food to feed an army of people in one sitting. I ate large volumes in a small period of time not caring about the consequences...until I finished...and then the shame and bargaining set in. I never thought about how damaging this large volume of food might be on my health...but I did think about my weight and the fear of gaining until I would "fix" the thought with the next "diet" I was going to go on. It was a vicious cycle much like the drug addict experiences.

As for the psychological dependence, I feared life without these foods in it. I could not imagine never eating a chocolate bar again, or a soft piece of bread, or a Ritz cracker. These foods were my friends, my buddies, my life. The sadness and fear that overcame me was frightening and unthinkable. I did not want to go out socially. I would much rather be home with my stash of food and the television. The food took the place of relationships. As for God or a spiritual recovery, the path was blocked. How could I let goodness in when I was feeling so awful about myself. I was filled with shame and a low self worth I can barely believe was the me I know today.

Today, as I read the article on the new emerging trends in addiction treatment, and though happy to learn of new treatments on the horizon, I am saddened the food addict is struggling alone and most often not recognized or acknowledged. Treatments often neglect the addictive piece associated with binge eating disorder and compulsive eating. When patients come to me for the first time I see such sadness and fear in their eyes. By the time they leave they have hope to hold on to. They learn they are not alone and although they may suffer from this disease and that it is a chemical imbalance, it is not their fault. What they hear is so foreign yet validating. Perhaps one day soon I will pick up the Monitor on Psychology and read about the new treatment for food addiction!

Photo taken by: Dr. Lisa Ortigara Crego

Valentines Day!

As I was taking a wonderful walk this morning, listening to the birds singing…the sky as blue as blue can be…and flowers blooming, I was thinking about what Valentines represents to me today, versus years ago before I understood my food addiction. In the past, chocolate for sure was my first thought with Valentines. And, I think it still is. The difference is I don't "act" on it now. I just think back fondly...sort of like an old lover. You could say I romanced the chocolate for sure. In fact, just looking at it makes the brainwaves tingle just as a hard core drug addict would.

The chocolate in the photo represents a drug to me, yet we would not have a holiday (like Valentines) with a photo of a line of cocaine as part of the celebration…at least not legally. Yes, chocolate is an illegal substance for me. Sort of a sobering thought isn't it.? How could something so sweet (no pun intended) and innocent wreak such havoc in my life. The answer for me, is I have a chemical imbalance and when I put chocolate, sugar, flour, and wheat into my system I can't stop. Something clicks in my brain and I start to volume eat. I learned after falling many times that I can not cure this addiction, but I can live a life in recovery. Just like the cocaine addict can not have one little line for old times sake because she/he will jump right back into the illness from one little snort.

So, what does Valentines mean to me today? It means total gratitude. My body is nearly 100 pounds lighter than its highest weight. I am clear in my mind. I am loving my bike rides and walks as much as I loved the chocolates (okay...not quite...but close!). I am able to help hundreds of people through this chronic, progressive, and fatal disease. I am able to have "healthy" relationships. The price of giving up decadent chocolate for my life back is definitely worth all the preparation and vigilance I put forth every day to stay clean.

I am thankful and grateful. Happy Valentines to all of you! May your day bring you love, peace, and joy.

Biking in January!

Today, I was biking along the shoreline of the Atlantic ocean in sunny South Florida. I felt enormous gratitude! Here I am in the most beautiful setting while others are really cold somewhere out there.

I was recently in Chicago (see photo!) and it was 26 degrees below zero! My face almost fell off! And now...here I am peddling along the beach with the temperature nearing 80 degrees. How great is that! Today I witnessed many cloaked in little tiny bathing suits knowing somewhere out there (Chicago!) there are many bundled up in their multi-layered clothing.

As I was pedaling I was wondering how I would be able to keep my exercise in tact if I lived up north. Here in Florida my goal is to exercise 6 out of 7 days a week. While in Chicago, I was not able to meet my goal. As I am peddling along the shoreline, with seagulls keeping me company, I wonder how others fare living in a cold climate. As I pondered this thought, I went back in time when I did live in Chicago. Around this exact time of the year (mid-January), after the holiday festivities came to a halt, and my body was up a good 30 pounds from eating from Halloween until my New Years resolution, I would fall into a deep depression until April when the sun resurfaced and the pale gray slated skies disappeared. Some would call it Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Perhaps they were correct.

I don't have those "dark" days here in sunny Florida like I did when I lived up north. It was one winter back in January of 1986, standing on the platform waiting for the El train, when I decided no longer would I give in to another winter of cold. It was a cold and blistery day. I decided out loud that I had enough...I was moving to Hollywood (Florida that is!). And in May of 1986 off to Florida I went and never looked back.

Often in my past history my weight would fluctuate 100 pounds up and down. My last year living in Chicago was one of those times where I was able to control my weight to some degree. Although my eating disorder was flourishing even then, I was able to hide it (weight wise)because I was doing so much walking living in the city. Although I did not exercise regularly because of the cold, I was walking to catch a bus or a train every day several times. In addition, I was taking the stairs (at De Paul University) rather than the elevators. I was trying to eat clean for the most part and then would succumb to a binge on the weekends. Back then, I did not know about food addiction. I thought I was weak-willed and that I did not know how to "do it right." Now of course I know different.

Today, I know I am a food addict and there is no cure for food addiction, only recovery. I work my recovery every single day, whether I am here or in Chicago, or at my little beach home on the west coast. Eating sugar, flour, and wheat is not an option. Not exercising for long periods of time, is not an option. Today, as I rode along the shoreline of the Atlantic ocean I smiled on the inside and the outside all at the same time. I suppose onlookers might have thought I was a bit "touched," but I did not give it a care. I am free of food addictive behavior, my weight is "normal," and I feel spiritually balanced. All worth my efforts of vigilantly working my program.

Some say they could not eat the way I do, or exercise regularly; but, I say it beats being in Chicago freezing my you know what off and wearing an extra 100 pounds. Today life is centered and balanced for me. How about you? Is your life centered and balanced? How do you work your exercise program in the winter? Are you still pumped from your New Years Resolution? I want to hear from you!


Photo taken by: Lisa Ortigara Crego

A Sunday Walk Along the Beach...

Today was one of those incredible days. I took a long walk along the beach and was in total awe at the magnificence of the sea. With each step I was able to give thanks for all my blessings that continue to flow into my life. I remember a time when walking was so difficult for me. I remember a time when my inner thighs rubbed together causing blisters because my weight was nearly 100 pounds more than my body could handle.

This very spot on the beach brings back so many memories. I have been walking this very beach for nearly 40 years. I remember the first time when I was barely 13 years of age. This was the beginning of my preoccupation with food. I thought I just did not have "will" power. Now I realize it had nothing to do with will power and everything to do with a chemical imbalance. I did not know back then that I could not tolerate sugar, flour, and wheat. All I knew was that I had uncontrollable cravings and never seemed to fill up. I thought there was something wrong with me because I had no control over my food.

Today, as my feet felt the warmth of the soft sand and cool water as it lapped up to my ankles, I felt so free. Free from the pain that comes from actively eating addictive foods. I am in such a different frame of mind compared to those yesteryears. Today, I practice active recovery from food addiction. I eat my three balanced meals at the same time each day and a metabolic snack, and I am good. I don't need anything more or less. My body is able to operate at an optimal level and all guilt and shame is completely wiped away. My body is of a "normal" weight, and on and off dieting is no longer a part of my life. Instead, I adopt a healthy lifestyle, which includes, walking, biking, meditating, playing, praying, eating healthy "real" foods, and tyring to stay spiritually balanced.

Today was one of those incredible days that you wish you could bottle up and have it forever. I am grateful and thankful for the beach today, and to be able to walk with no strain. I am blessed with a healthy body and a healthy mind. Life is good! I am thankful...

Photo taken by: Lisa Ortigara Crego