Help! Do I Have an Eating Disorder?

“Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power.”

~Seneca

Have you ever gone back for an extra serving of food when you weren't hungry? How about mindless eating between meals on occasion? I’m sure most of us at some time or another took an additional serving (or two) of food or ate unplanned meals especially during holidays, birthdays, hurricanes and long weekends. Let's face it temptations to over-indulge are all around us. But when is it a problem—an illness?

When was the last time you binged on a block of spinach or a bushel of apples? I'm willing to bet not too often. How about a box of brownies, chocolate chip cookies, or a bag of potato chips? Ah...hitting a nerve am I? If you watch your friends, acquaintances, or how about a stranger in a restaurant, I’m certain you will witness at every turn someone who binge eats. Do you?

So, what makes the difference between an occasional over indulgence and an eating disorder? When is it an eating disorder? And of course addiction plays into the mix too. What about food addiction? To make matters more confusing, when is it binge eating disorder and when it is food addiction? And, could it actually be a combination of the two?
 Let’s face it, millions of Americans hide, steal, and hoard food anticipating a secret binge. After their indulgence they're filled with remorse and shame promising to never over eat again. One of the least discussed and most common eating disorder is binge eating disorder. Binge eating is defined as over eating a large amount of food in a small period of time, at least three times a week for six months or longer. Binge eating, or compulsive eating—as it is more familiarly known—affects more than 20 million people in the United States alone. And yet, we focus more on bulimia nervosa and anorexia when it comes to eating disorders.

Although bulimia and anorexia nervosa are the eating disorders that pop into most minds when discussion of dysfunctional eating surface, in my practice, the majority of my eating disordered patients suffer from binge eating disorder and/or obesity. This isn't to say all bingers are obese or even overweight, because some actually can be of normal weight. Also, not all overweight persons binge eat. And where does food addiction fit into the mix?

 Confusing? Yes, for sure it is…

 The biggest challenge is to sort through whether the patient has food addiction, binge eating disorder, or a combination of the two.

The food addict also eats a large amount of food in a small period of time, and like compulsive eating, it comes with consequences that can be lethal, such as obesity, heart disease, relationship issues, body image, and et cetera. The big difference between the two disorders is food addicts crave specific foods that are uncontrollable no matter what attempts they put forth to stop (i.e., dieting, restricting, exercising, et cetera).

I liken food addiction, an uncontrollable craving for high sugar and processed foods, to recreational drugs such as cocaine, heroin, and nicotine. And the food addict needs to consume the sugary/starchy substance in order to function—to feel "normal." In all addiction cases, the substance dependent consumes larger amounts of their drug for longer periods than were normally intended with persistent desires or repeated unsuccessful attempts to quit—even if it interrupts social, recreational, and family interaction—because the addicted substance takes precedence.

When it comes to treatment for binge eating disorder it is often not about the food but rather about the emotional deficits. When it comes to treatment for food addiction it is about the food—specific foods that trigger the compulsion to consume large amounts of it no matter what the cost. Although binge eating disorder and food addiction share many of the same symptoms, food addiction shares the emotional component of binge eating disorder as well as the symptoms such as obsession with body, weight, mood shifts, closet eating, stealing, where compulsive eating is about the inability to deal with emotions.

I suffered from food addiction and binge eating disorder as far back as I can remember—I just didn't know what it was called. I thought there was something wrong with me mentally. I craved chocolate, doughnuts, chips, and anything gooey and sweet beyond normalcy and I tried every diet under the sun—including diet pills, commercial diet centers, starvation, over exercising, none of which helped me tame the compulsion to eat beyond full in spite of the detrimental consequences, which in my case was obesity.

I wish I knew then what I know now about eating disorders, treatment, and spiritual recovery. Perhaps I could have avoided all the pain and suffering with my weight up and my weight down—an endless battle—until now. Today, I live life without the torture of worrying about getting heavy, craving foods I can’t control the amount of. And spiritually my cup is full.

So, if you are one to eat an extra serving, two, or three beyond holidays, birthdays, hunkered down for hurricanes, and long weekend temptations, when you weren't hungry, to the point of devastating consequences that hamper the quality of your life, perhaps you may suffer from an eating disorder such as food addiction, binge eating disorder (compulsive eating) or both intertwined.

 My 20 years experience as a clinical psychotherapist, a PhD in addiction psychology, certified eating disorder specialist, certified addiction professional, and national board certified clinical hypnotherapist has not only made me a recognized expert in my field, but also made me privy to understanding the experience of those (and myself) releasing their obsessions with food and turning to their connection with the divine energy (known as God for some) and people.

 http://weightcontroltherapy.com/

Photos by Dr. Lisa Ortigara Crego

 

Defining Moments

"It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves."
~Sir Edmund Hillary

I awakened to the sound of the phone—ring after ring—I just want it to stop. I pulled the pillow over my ears and hunkered down deeper into the mattress, but it droned on and on beckoning me to answer.

Barely awake, I glanced at the clock noting it was 4:00 in the morning. I stumbled as I made my way to the kitchen to learn who was on the other end of the phone.

I pressed the cold receiver to my ear and with great trepidation  answered, "Hello." My father's panic voice blurted out,  "It’s your Mom—she had a stroke! The paramedics are here. I don’t know what to do, they say they have a shot they can give her but I have to know the exact time she had her stroke. If  they give her the shot too soon or too late it will kill her."

 The room swirled as I tried to grasp what he was saying.  I stammered something back, but to this day I don't know what I said in response. After we hung up, I recall I stood dazed and paralyzed in fear for what seemed like hours staring at the phone back in it's cradle, not certain what to do. 

A defining moment— my life would never be the same.

The dreaded call was Saturday morning, the eve of Easter back in 1998. Could it be only eight hours before I was skating with such glee with my eight year old son Benjamin and collided and tumbled to the ground only to rise laughing it off twirling under the stars smiling and thanking God for what a glorious life I was living. I practiced as a clinical psychotherapist and was soon to marry my prince, living in my dream house the perfect life. And now, mom was faced with life or death. How quickly my world was turned upside down.

Driving bleary eyed, as the tears tumbled down my cheeks, I dialed patient after patient to cancel my Saturday schedule, while trying to keep my eyes and car on the road as I headed to the hospital four hours away to accompany my Dad in what was one of the saddest and most difficult moments of our lives.

We sat in the intensive care unit, each in our individual silent prayer, only interrupted with periodic conversation and sobs of disbelief. The neurologist tarnished any hope we mustered up when he inhumanely blurted out she would never walk again and guaranteed she'd endure a continuous down turn for the remaining days of her life.

Dad lowered his head into his hands shaking it back and forth mumbling, barely audible, "No, this can't be, not again," as he questioned his decision to not give mom the shot earlier this morning with the paramedics. He raised his head up slowly from his hands and he recounted one of his defining moments when his mom clung for her life nearly 50 years earlier in intensive care, and he, the oldest son, needed to translate from Italian to English and back from the doctors to his family. He made serious decisions then and serious decisions now both intertwined and played over and over in his mind.

His mom died.

He never got past his guilt and grief. And now he was faced with his wife of nearly a half of a century facing the end of her life as they both knew it.

Mom was obese, she picked up a  cigarette habit in her fifties, and didn’t exercise and favored high fat foods all contributing to  her situation she now faced.

I pulled my chair up as close to mom as I could, without climbing in the bed with her, and held her limp had in mine. I always admired her tiny dainty hands and feet. I watched her struggle to take one shallow breath then pause and exhale and repeat—the oxygen machine swishing in the background —her eyes closed—slipping further and further away.

There I sat inhaling the  nauseating  smell of bleached sheets mixed with  rubbing alcohol as I pulled the spare blanket from the foot of the bed around my shoulders—teeth chattering from the cool temperature to ward off germs—when my attention went to my left leg throbbing. For a brief moment my mind moved from mom to my left leg. I startled when  I saw what I thought was a teeny scratch from a fall I had taken and brushed off  the night before while skating with Benjamin—it oozed with infection. I hadn't realized it was worse than I thought merely a few hours ago. Again, I pushed it out of my mind and made a life changing decision.

It was instant, at that moment, I vowed to bump up my mission to help eating disordered and addicted patients to recovery. For the rest of my life I'd give of my heart and soul to find answers and direction for those in the same space as my mother who couldn't conquer obesity. I promised to God then and there that I'd share and teach how I learned to let go of my once obese body, eat free of sugar, flour, and wheat, and lean on spiritual recovery.

I couldn’t save mom but I darn sure could share what I know with those who still had a chance to turn their lives around.

Mom died at 67 years old. She lived four more years after her stroke completely paralyzed. Those days were very good times and very bad times all rolled into one.



Now, on the Eve of every Easter I bow my head in remembrance of the early morning call over 13 years ago— when my life turned a new direction—a defining moment. I'm not saying eating free of sugar, flour, and wheat is easy but death or paralysisis is certainly worse.

Life is brief—live now, laugh now, and pray now. 

http://weightcontroltherapy.com/

Photos Taken by Dr. Lisa Ortigara Crego

Chemical Reactions To Food

I’m often asked how I went from 234 pounds to 139 pounds after years of bouncing up and down with my weight. Let’s be clear, I was the yo yo dieter of the year from early adolescents through my thirties. My weight and my relationship with food were a constant struggle for me until I began to understand my chemical reaction to certain foods.

After years of trial and error, research, clinical knowledge, weight loss, and stability of weight, I became a gentler spirit once I accepted sugar, flour and wheat caused me great distress. I learned highly processed, high fat, high sugar foods immediately produced a massive headache, irritability, and an all out food binge.

These days, I follow a simple formula breaking down each meal with structure (four meals a day each consisting of specific foods: fruit, protein, fat, vegetables, low fat dairy, and whole grains) and commitment rather than eating randomly. I also include daily exercise such as walking or biking along the ocean and try and live my life as a prayer.

No, I am certainly not perfect (and realize I sound as if this is so easy), and life is not always bliss. I would love to eat any food I want, but I realize the consequences aren’t worth the indulgence. I do get mad at life when I’m tired and work too many hours, or when I have to turn down an invitation to an event because the atmosphere won’t be conducive to my bringing my own foods, or when everyone will be eating a delectable piece of chocolate cake and I’ll be stuck eating a piece of fruit with yogurt.

But, no matter what life struggles present themselves, I know that binge eating simply isn’t an option—nor are sugar, flour, or wheat on my food list, because I understand that the sleeping giant of addiction within will wake, and chaos will return with a vengeance if I ingest any of these. I compare my situation to that of a heroin addict, who can't have just a smidgen of heroin; he must abstain completely to stay clean.

When I began to follow these specific guidelines—even when I didn’t want to—my negative mind chatter quieted, and for the first time I could become still, and hear God’s whispers. I connected to my inner strengths, and a spiritual understanding emerged in me. I found inner peace, God, and love. Love for myself, others, and the universe evolved inside me.

Not only was I calmer, kinder, and less self-centered, but I began to perceive a bigger picture. I saw food as real and not real: God’s food and man’s food. I chose food of the earth, sea, and air rather than processed and boxed. I turned to God, and the "noise" in my head ceased, and the addiction flattened. These days, I eat to live rather than live to eat. Healthful foods and a refreshed faith are now my fuel to retain optimal health and weight.


Photo Taken By:  Dr. Lisa Ortigara Crego