Defining Moments

"It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves."
~Sir Edmund Hillary

I awakened to the sound of the phone—ring after ring—I just want it to stop. I pulled the pillow over my ears and hunkered down deeper into the mattress, but it droned on and on beckoning me to answer.

Barely awake, I glanced at the clock noting it was 4:00 in the morning. I stumbled as I made my way to the kitchen to learn who was on the other end of the phone.

I pressed the cold receiver to my ear and with great trepidation  answered, "Hello." My father's panic voice blurted out,  "It’s your Mom—she had a stroke! The paramedics are here. I don’t know what to do, they say they have a shot they can give her but I have to know the exact time she had her stroke. If  they give her the shot too soon or too late it will kill her."

 The room swirled as I tried to grasp what he was saying.  I stammered something back, but to this day I don't know what I said in response. After we hung up, I recall I stood dazed and paralyzed in fear for what seemed like hours staring at the phone back in it's cradle, not certain what to do. 

A defining moment— my life would never be the same.

The dreaded call was Saturday morning, the eve of Easter back in 1998. Could it be only eight hours before I was skating with such glee with my eight year old son Benjamin and collided and tumbled to the ground only to rise laughing it off twirling under the stars smiling and thanking God for what a glorious life I was living. I practiced as a clinical psychotherapist and was soon to marry my prince, living in my dream house the perfect life. And now, mom was faced with life or death. How quickly my world was turned upside down.

Driving bleary eyed, as the tears tumbled down my cheeks, I dialed patient after patient to cancel my Saturday schedule, while trying to keep my eyes and car on the road as I headed to the hospital four hours away to accompany my Dad in what was one of the saddest and most difficult moments of our lives.

We sat in the intensive care unit, each in our individual silent prayer, only interrupted with periodic conversation and sobs of disbelief. The neurologist tarnished any hope we mustered up when he inhumanely blurted out she would never walk again and guaranteed she'd endure a continuous down turn for the remaining days of her life.

Dad lowered his head into his hands shaking it back and forth mumbling, barely audible, "No, this can't be, not again," as he questioned his decision to not give mom the shot earlier this morning with the paramedics. He raised his head up slowly from his hands and he recounted one of his defining moments when his mom clung for her life nearly 50 years earlier in intensive care, and he, the oldest son, needed to translate from Italian to English and back from the doctors to his family. He made serious decisions then and serious decisions now both intertwined and played over and over in his mind.

His mom died.

He never got past his guilt and grief. And now he was faced with his wife of nearly a half of a century facing the end of her life as they both knew it.

Mom was obese, she picked up a  cigarette habit in her fifties, and didn’t exercise and favored high fat foods all contributing to  her situation she now faced.

I pulled my chair up as close to mom as I could, without climbing in the bed with her, and held her limp had in mine. I always admired her tiny dainty hands and feet. I watched her struggle to take one shallow breath then pause and exhale and repeat—the oxygen machine swishing in the background —her eyes closed—slipping further and further away.

There I sat inhaling the  nauseating  smell of bleached sheets mixed with  rubbing alcohol as I pulled the spare blanket from the foot of the bed around my shoulders—teeth chattering from the cool temperature to ward off germs—when my attention went to my left leg throbbing. For a brief moment my mind moved from mom to my left leg. I startled when  I saw what I thought was a teeny scratch from a fall I had taken and brushed off  the night before while skating with Benjamin—it oozed with infection. I hadn't realized it was worse than I thought merely a few hours ago. Again, I pushed it out of my mind and made a life changing decision.

It was instant, at that moment, I vowed to bump up my mission to help eating disordered and addicted patients to recovery. For the rest of my life I'd give of my heart and soul to find answers and direction for those in the same space as my mother who couldn't conquer obesity. I promised to God then and there that I'd share and teach how I learned to let go of my once obese body, eat free of sugar, flour, and wheat, and lean on spiritual recovery.

I couldn’t save mom but I darn sure could share what I know with those who still had a chance to turn their lives around.

Mom died at 67 years old. She lived four more years after her stroke completely paralyzed. Those days were very good times and very bad times all rolled into one.



Now, on the Eve of every Easter I bow my head in remembrance of the early morning call over 13 years ago— when my life turned a new direction—a defining moment. I'm not saying eating free of sugar, flour, and wheat is easy but death or paralysisis is certainly worse.

Life is brief—live now, laugh now, and pray now. 

http://weightcontroltherapy.com/

Photos Taken by Dr. Lisa Ortigara Crego

Happy Birthday America!

Happy Birthday America! It's hard to believe the Fourth of July weekend is once again coming to an end. So often we go through this holiday weekend marking the event with picnics, barbeques, and various outdoor activities. But, the 4th of July is much more than a day off of work. For me, it's a day worth remembering and reminiscing.

I'm grateful for my independence and freedom to live in this great country. Yes, it’s the day America decided to become independent of Great Britain and represents freedom to make our own rules and be responsible for our welfare, but it also is a time to look back and remember family events—good and bad.

This morning my day began with sunny, blue skies, white puffy clouds, birds singing and a wonderful walk, talk and prayer time with my sister. No doubt, a start to a picture perfect South Florida day! Independence Day is a time for Americans to remember and celebrate what was and what is—not only for our country but for your personal desires.

Are you on course?

Although today is truly glorious day for me, somewhere someone out there is mourning something. Perhaps a family member is sick, or you lost someone you love, or maybe you personally are facing a challenge of your own. I’m certain there are many fur-children out there not too happy. I can attest to my Sage’s fear of fireworks which is inevitable this entire weekend.

Also on this day I think of  my Mom and recall several Fourth of Julys before and after she suffered a massive stroke. I am filled with joy for great memories as well as sadness. The first 4th of July after her stroke I questioned how the world could still move forward while I was suspended in gripping emotional pain.

And yet, no matter where you are in your life today, even though you might be grappling with an emotional, physical, or spiritual loss, the 4th of July must go on. It is no doubt a time for celebration, which includes: picnics, boat outings, Barbeques, et cetera, along with foods, drinks and temptations. This is the American way!

I can't help but wonder what role food plays in illnesses, losses, and death. In my line of work (eating disorders and mood disorders) holidays can be very difficult when platters of favorite foods are presented in front of you. I have a long history of active food addiction that certainly was fired up during this very holiday weekend. My recollection brings me to our summer vacation home in Wautoma, Wisconsin where we began each morning of our holiday weekend with several boxes of glazed, chocolate, and long-john doughnuts filled with cream washed down with chocolate milk or a huge breakfast of eggs, bacon, cheese, and loaves of Italian bread slathered in butter.

Holidays meant lots of foods tempting me to eat myself into a coma. Today is different; I understand my food addiction and practice recovery every day. It’s not always easy and certainly I’m not perfect. I have witnessed in my practice, as a certified addiction professional, and certified eating disorder professional the different facets of eating disorders, none of which are easy to move from active addiction to recovery. But, it can be done.

My Mom had her own battle with food and weight. She spent all of her adult life obese and she ate large portions of high fat, salty foods. Perhaps she grew her body rather than restricted to accomplish hiding within her body. My grandmother, also a large woman, bounced from diets to bingeing. No doubt my food issues were inherited genetically and environmentally. Mom died just before her 67th birthday.

I believe unprocessed foods play a huge role in healthy minds and healthy bodies. All of my self-hypnosis CDs addresses the importance of clean eating, exercise, and spiritual recovery.

And so here we are on this glorious day. The Florida sun tucked away for the evening as festivities of 4th of July come to a halt. I wonder, as the last bits of fireworks fall from the sky, sounds still within ear shot, how many close this day with full bellies and empty bellies both rumbling from restricting or bingeing. Many are alone and lonely, turning to food for comfort...or not. Eating disorders come in many guises. It does not matter if your black or white...or somewhere in between. It does not matter if you're rich or poor...or somewhere in the middle.

Today, I celebrate America's Independence. I celebrate my independence. I broke away from food controlling me...and now live free. I hope those suffering and hurting today will find independence from pain and sadness—and the loss of loved ones. Life is to be celebrated. America is to be celebrated. Let's wave our flag proudly. We live in a country that offers help and hope to all.



Photo by: Dr. Lisa Ortigara Crego

Obesity in America...

On an Oprah show I heard Mrs. Obama discussing the obesity epidemic in America and how change needs to take place, especially getting children to incorporate more exercise and healthy foods as part of their daily lifestyle.

Great idea! But is it realistic?

I can't count how many families have sought my help with their children's obesity. When I suggest the entire family get off sugar, white flour and processed foods they get the deer-caught-in-the head-lights look. Or they stare at me like I sprouted horns right in front of their very eyes.

I go on gently to explain how attracted we are to processed foods because they are addictive and I discuss what food addiction looks like in children and adults. I share my food addiction story along with my recovery and often, in time,  they begin to nod their heads as they hear their story in my story.

Early in childhood I was fixated on sugar—never getting enough and going to great extremes to obtain it: stealing, hiding and hoarding.

Although I didn’t have an awareness of food addiction, I knew something was wrong.

In hindsight, I realized I ate out of control and bargained with myself and God to stop—after this one last pastry. I felt shame if I got caught stealing food or money to buy food; yet, I didn’t have the mentality to understand I was compulsive eating until my adolescent years when weight began to pile on. And even then I didn’t know there was an actual eating disorder called, binge eating disorder—and that I had it.

What I did know was my friends ate when they were hungry and they instincually knew to stop eating when they were full, and they didn’t hide or sneak their foods, nor did they have shame every time they ate.

Food addicts have a severe and ongoing disturbance in the manner in which they handle food. The depiction of addiction to food resembles the hallmarks of any addiction. The food addict is caught in the grip of a compulsive, habitual behavior that can’t be controlled.

The binge eater begins eating when she didn’t plan to and can’t stop eating when she wants to. Addiction is the persistent and repetitive enactment of a behavioral pattern the person recurrently fails to resist and that consequently leads to significant physical, psychological, social, legal, or other major life problems.

Loss of control over eating and obesity produce changes in the brain, which is similar to those produced by drugs of abuse.

Food addiction is a loss of control over eating coupled with the physiological tolerance and psychological dependence that occurs when a specific stimulus (food) is ingested. Typically, this addiction can result in negative consequences for basic life functions and relationships with family; social situations; intimate relationships; the sufferers relationship with God and spiritual development; and/or in relation to the law, health, and work life.

Research indicates more than half of Americans are overweight and at least a quarter near obesity. Weight loss products and services  cost consumers over 50 billion dollars annually and the numbers are climbing. More than 325,000 deaths are attributable to obesity-related causes each year.

My mother and grandmother were included in these statistics; their lives were shortened through a series of strokes and finally pneumonia as a result of their obesity.

So, yes I applaud Mrs. Obama for addressing children and family obesity and the wonderful suggestions she brings to the table. Unfortunately, I believe the problem goes deeper than exercise and healthy food choices. Food addiction is rampant and until their is a clear understanding about what it is and what the signs are all the diet and exercise suggestions will continue to go unheard.

Photo Taken by: Benjamin Crego

Balance...

A day in the life of Dr. Lisa!

I woke this morning at 7:00 to the sound of birds chirping and the sun blaring in through the cracks of the drapes...and my day began.

After morning stretches, eight minutes of weight lifting, and meditation, I jumped on my bike and pedaled down Hollywood beach taking in all the magnificent morning from the glistening ocean, children playing in the sand, to seagulls flying over head. What a magical sight.

Home one hour later I began my breakfast preparations and made fresh blueberry pancakes topped with Greek yogurt. Does life get any better than this? And while the pancakes cooked and filled the air with the most delicious home baked aroma—taking me back to six years old as I recalled my great grandma Baba, who served the most delicious blueberry pie—I smiled. Of course my pancakes are sugar, flour, and wheat free.

While my pancakes cooked I prepared lunch: 4oz of roasted chicken, 2 cups of fresh steamed whole green beans topped with olive oil, freshly squeezed lemon and a pinch of sea salt and ground pepper. Then, I moved on and made my later afternoon snack of sliced yellow apples and 2 oz strips of sirloin steak—all to tote with me to work.

My day is off to a perfect start...

As I ate my breakfast, I began the rush of answering e-mails, writing something for my blog, a few tweets and a hello on facebook.

Okay, time to jump in the shower, primp, and get dressed—and off to an eight hour work day with eight patients to discuss their eating disorders, depression, and whatever life challenge is offered up at that moment.

Ah…not done yet. Once finished working with patients I hop in the car for a twenty minute drive west to teach psychology with a group of awesome students at DeVry university.

Finally, I find my way back home around 9ish at night and take a short bike ride with my husband to catch up on our day—followed by dinner preparations (Broiled Salmon, Sweet potato, tossed salad with olive oil and vinegar) and then back online for more checking on emails, grading student's work, a tweet or two... and yes, finally bed.

Ah...in the life of Dr. Lisa...ya never know what's going to happen.

How do I keep balance? Well, I retire for bed near midnight and get up at 7:00 a.m. every day whether I am on vacation, home, or at a conference. My body is conditioned to expect seven hours of sleep. My food is natural and free of sugar flour and wheat. I exercise an hour daily and make time to pray, meditate, and sit still. I nurture my loving relationships with my husband, sons, and sweet fur child Sage.

Balance is key. I work hard, play hard, and live life as a prayer.

Where Am I Anyway?

Where am I? I thought I left Chicago behind weeks ago and yet the cold weather seems to have followed me. I enjoyed the crisp windy city for five days the last week of December, knowing I would return to the sunshine state (Florida) where warm weather is promised day in and day out – except now. I have been home for weeks and this weather has not let up. I believe the mind and the spirit control the body and make change. How can I apply this theory to Antarctica weather in south Florida?

I woke this morning to 33 degrees and a wind-chill factor of 22. The air is crisp, rain is falling in sleets, a dark gloomy cast is upon us. Yep, Chicago weather followed me. I am freezing – ran the heat 13 days straight – seems almost surreal as I have not used the heater in years. When I turned it on it smoked the first five minutes resembling the smell of burnt dirty socks.

Now, why did I move from Chicago May 1986? I recall standing on the El downtown Chicago waiting for my train. It was March and blistering cold. I looked up to the heavens and claimed out loud I was moving to Florida in May to never be cold again. To feel the warm air hug me even in the evening hour strolls along the beach; yet, here I am in the sunshine state breaking the coldest streak in 43 years!

It is evident I never did like the cold. My bones ache, I feel down and depressed and I am looking for hot anything to sip on. In fact, chili is cooking in the crock pot as I write. Exercise is foreign these last few days. Last time I biked I was layered in clothes, wearing thermal ware, gloves, and a hat...and wishing for ear muffs, which most Florida people do not even know what they are. I biked to an almost desolate beach. Work is no respite either, my office is an icebox. No heater there –hands are numb writing progress notes.

Even Sage ( my 75 pound white German Shepard) voluntarily went into her house most of the day curled in a small pretzel as far back as she could position herself, which reminds me of myself pressing my body close to my husband who emits heat like an oven. Thank you God – no need for an electric blanket as my husband serves as a personal heater – my 7 hour respite from the cold.

A Florida wimp I am. It is cold, raining, and very dark and gloomy out. I feel the same. I miss the sun! SAD (Season Affective Disorder) is very real. I pray for sun and warmth tomorrow, my sunshine state , as I know it, to hold true to its name, and the world will be right again. I will jump on my bike – ride the beach and feel one with nature. Although I believe mind and spirit control the body, I backtrack when my body is cold. I need warm thoughts to change the outcome. For now, I'll employ the fake it till you make it mentality.

Biking in January!

Today, I was biking along the shoreline of the Atlantic ocean in sunny South Florida. I felt enormous gratitude! Here I am in the most beautiful setting while others are really cold somewhere out there.

I was recently in Chicago (see photo!) and it was 26 degrees below zero! My face almost fell off! And now...here I am peddling along the beach with the temperature nearing 80 degrees. How great is that! Today I witnessed many cloaked in little tiny bathing suits knowing somewhere out there (Chicago!) there are many bundled up in their multi-layered clothing.

As I was pedaling I was wondering how I would be able to keep my exercise in tact if I lived up north. Here in Florida my goal is to exercise 6 out of 7 days a week. While in Chicago, I was not able to meet my goal. As I am peddling along the shoreline, with seagulls keeping me company, I wonder how others fare living in a cold climate. As I pondered this thought, I went back in time when I did live in Chicago. Around this exact time of the year (mid-January), after the holiday festivities came to a halt, and my body was up a good 30 pounds from eating from Halloween until my New Years resolution, I would fall into a deep depression until April when the sun resurfaced and the pale gray slated skies disappeared. Some would call it Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Perhaps they were correct.

I don't have those "dark" days here in sunny Florida like I did when I lived up north. It was one winter back in January of 1986, standing on the platform waiting for the El train, when I decided no longer would I give in to another winter of cold. It was a cold and blistery day. I decided out loud that I had enough...I was moving to Hollywood (Florida that is!). And in May of 1986 off to Florida I went and never looked back.

Often in my past history my weight would fluctuate 100 pounds up and down. My last year living in Chicago was one of those times where I was able to control my weight to some degree. Although my eating disorder was flourishing even then, I was able to hide it (weight wise)because I was doing so much walking living in the city. Although I did not exercise regularly because of the cold, I was walking to catch a bus or a train every day several times. In addition, I was taking the stairs (at De Paul University) rather than the elevators. I was trying to eat clean for the most part and then would succumb to a binge on the weekends. Back then, I did not know about food addiction. I thought I was weak-willed and that I did not know how to "do it right." Now of course I know different.

Today, I know I am a food addict and there is no cure for food addiction, only recovery. I work my recovery every single day, whether I am here or in Chicago, or at my little beach home on the west coast. Eating sugar, flour, and wheat is not an option. Not exercising for long periods of time, is not an option. Today, as I rode along the shoreline of the Atlantic ocean I smiled on the inside and the outside all at the same time. I suppose onlookers might have thought I was a bit "touched," but I did not give it a care. I am free of food addictive behavior, my weight is "normal," and I feel spiritually balanced. All worth my efforts of vigilantly working my program.

Some say they could not eat the way I do, or exercise regularly; but, I say it beats being in Chicago freezing my you know what off and wearing an extra 100 pounds. Today life is centered and balanced for me. How about you? Is your life centered and balanced? How do you work your exercise program in the winter? Are you still pumped from your New Years Resolution? I want to hear from you!


Photo taken by: Lisa Ortigara Crego

A Sunday Walk Along the Beach...

Today was one of those incredible days. I took a long walk along the beach and was in total awe at the magnificence of the sea. With each step I was able to give thanks for all my blessings that continue to flow into my life. I remember a time when walking was so difficult for me. I remember a time when my inner thighs rubbed together causing blisters because my weight was nearly 100 pounds more than my body could handle.

This very spot on the beach brings back so many memories. I have been walking this very beach for nearly 40 years. I remember the first time when I was barely 13 years of age. This was the beginning of my preoccupation with food. I thought I just did not have "will" power. Now I realize it had nothing to do with will power and everything to do with a chemical imbalance. I did not know back then that I could not tolerate sugar, flour, and wheat. All I knew was that I had uncontrollable cravings and never seemed to fill up. I thought there was something wrong with me because I had no control over my food.

Today, as my feet felt the warmth of the soft sand and cool water as it lapped up to my ankles, I felt so free. Free from the pain that comes from actively eating addictive foods. I am in such a different frame of mind compared to those yesteryears. Today, I practice active recovery from food addiction. I eat my three balanced meals at the same time each day and a metabolic snack, and I am good. I don't need anything more or less. My body is able to operate at an optimal level and all guilt and shame is completely wiped away. My body is of a "normal" weight, and on and off dieting is no longer a part of my life. Instead, I adopt a healthy lifestyle, which includes, walking, biking, meditating, playing, praying, eating healthy "real" foods, and tyring to stay spiritually balanced.

Today was one of those incredible days that you wish you could bottle up and have it forever. I am grateful and thankful for the beach today, and to be able to walk with no strain. I am blessed with a healthy body and a healthy mind. Life is good! I am thankful...

Photo taken by: Lisa Ortigara Crego