New Year’s Resolution: Stop Dieting and Start Winning in Weight Loss Control!

Mary, a fairly new patient, bolted through the waiting room sprinting to my office like she was running a 10 K marathon. Breathless, she plopped down sinking deep into my hunter green couch, perspiration trickling down her face, and announced, “I’m starting a 500 calorie diet to get rid of this weight once and for all!,”  as she grabbed a fist full of fat from her expanded waist.

 As I listened to Mary promise with such conviction on how she would lose her weight—that she owned the "secret" to drop weight quickly, I felt Mary’s pain and urgency.  Not only do I understand Mary,  I lived her desperation—starting and ending every fad diet inmaginable for over 30 years of my life.  I promised to lose the weight—that I had the quick weight loss secret. One hundred pounds heavier after a series of diets brought me to my knees begging for a transformation.

I couldn’t help responding abruptly to Mary, “Stop, don’t do it! Do not make another New Year’s resolution to diet as it leads to yo yo dieting.”

When I explain to patients what’s really going on with desperate dieting followed by binge eating I often see a twinkle in their eye as they nod, bobbing their head like a dolphin dancing on the ocean top delighted direction is coming.

Mary is a food addict. As she begins to “get it” she has an Oprah “light bulb moment!” realizing that her up and down weight loss is not her fault, but rather from years of dieting and addictive eating.

Today, especially the first day of January, promises of food restriction, clamping teeth shut determined to eat 500 calories a day is a recipe for disaster.

Let’s be clear: There’s no such diet or trick or secret as losing 20, 40, 60 or whatever number of pounds you want to lose in a few short weeks and or months. Mary’s 500 calorie diet sets her up for quick weight loss followed by quick weight gain. I know, been there done that a million times.

Where to begin?  Let’s start with four points:

 

Ø  Admit you are out of control with food. This first step is not easy but it’s a start point to release the obsession with food.

Ø  Understand sugar, flour, and wheat are drugs to many binge eaters. Mary reminds me of the addict who promises they’ll never take another hit, snort, or shoot up again, without admission to the addictive components. Coming from a "will power" frame of mind is sure to fail.

Ø  Develop a spiritual connection to something greater than yourself. Call it God, Yahweh, or Lucy, whatever—just connect to your Divine Source. Mary is two hundred pounds overweight. She is a prisoner in her own body. Addictions are stronger and bigger than our will to stop using, we can’t do it alone.

Ø  Take one day at a time and practice recovery. Mary must let go of the "quick" fix ideation. When humble and focused she can work a whole, natural food plan free of sugar, flour, and wheat. In the here and now, working her program one meal at a time with progress not perfection, I think she’ll make it to the other side: thin and healthy.

 
When I was in the food I promised I would stop. I too vowed to lose the weight and never binge again. I meant it! Once I dropped some weight and started looking good I fell deep into a binge. It wasn’t until I realized I had to let go of the addictive foods I became free of the obsessions and cravings. It’s not a question of will power but rather of letting go of an addiction to specific foods. As simple as it sounds it worked. My weight corrected and I am free of cravings.

 Many patients I work with also are free from cravings and have returned to their normal weight. I wish I could say they all followed my path, but truth be told, many are on the same ride as Mary, believing there’s a quick fix often losing only to gain more weight than what they started with.

Successful patients have a clear understanding it’s a process and that it takes time if they want to enter long-term success.  Eat balanced meals one day at a time is the ticket to recovery.

Although I did not hear specific talk about spiritual recovery, Mary is beginning to echo thoughts regarding some Higher Force to carry her through the process. She grasps it’s not about the food, nor is it about the weight, it’s an addiction to food. It is about turning to a physical, emotional, and spiritual recovery.

 

 

Photos taken by: Dr. Lisa Ortigara Crego

 

*Weightcontroltherapy.com, founded in 2001, offers the public an opportunity to explore  why you eat what you eat and to better understand why food can cause your moods to swing, your cravings to soar, your weight to increase, your self-esteem to plummet, and your fatigue to rage. I blog posts to share experiences, light the flame of hope for all to conquer their poor relationship physically, emotionally, and spiritually to food.

Death is so Final

Death is so final. When I learned of Whitney Houston’s untimely death I was greatly saddened—one more addicted person lost their life. The loss of this great icon shadowed my own personal tragedies of people I loved who died before their time. As I reminisce in my mind there are so many losses.

I’ve said too many good byes to friends, family members, acquaintances, and patients but none touched me so deeply as the loss of my best friend Yvonne, which Whitney Huston’s death so mirrored.

I moved to Chicago when I was one notch above adolescents with not a penny to my name, no vehicle, job, or a place of my own to live. After countless attempts to work in an office as a secretary, I landed a job as a hostess in a family owned Italian restaurant and soon graduated to a waitress position followed by bar tending. A quirky, feisty blond with a loud boisterous laugh caught my attention. I knew no one in Chicago and this upbeat, positive blond bombshell named Yvonne, who reminded me of Bette Midler with her looks, voice, and personality, was the first to welcome me and embrace me as her friend.

Yvonne and I were inseparable from the first encounter when I timidly ordered a drink for one of my tables and she sported a toothy grin in response, we clicked—soul mates. Yvonne was a total blast. She laughed easily and cried freely—she felt and expressed her emotions intensely. She brought the fun out in me. We were like Oprah and Gayle King. I was the serious one (like Oprah) yet, if prompted, I had quite the funny bone when I let down my guard and trusted a person into my personal space. Yvonne, on the other hand, was smiley and friendly (like Gayle) and open to anyone and everyone. She was very social, while I preferred to be alone when I wasn’t working or studying.

Our plan was to grow old together and sit in rocking chairs on a front porch, sip on lemonade and recall the “good ole days.” 

And then Yvonne died at the young age of 44.

According to Yvonne’s two sons, their mom mixed alcohol with anti-anxiety medication before going to sleep and didn’t wake up. I was shocked.  This was nearly 15 years ago and yet it seems like yesterday.

Yvonne and I were yin and yang—total opposites, yet our core was the same. We both believed in the Divine Source, psychology, addictions, and family. She had a tendency to over drink and use prescription medication and I was a total “foody”.  Although our family of origins were completely different, we both had very difficult childhoods and coped with our emotions inappropriately. I couldn’t stop eating. She couldn't stop drinking. When she drank it was excessive (whiskey on one rock!) and she dabbled with cocaine. When I ate it was a bag of cookies followed by doughnuts, and topped off with candy bars.

I didn’t understand her disease and she certainly didn’t get mine.

Yvonne’s body was svelte and her blond main blew in the wind. She laughed easily and effortlessly. I had medium length light auburn hair and a plump body and I was ultra conservative and serious. You could say I had a low grade depression while she was hyped.

Yes, Frick and Frack we were.

The death of Whitney Houston brought the death of my dearest and best friend to the surface, although it’s never too far from my mind. Listening to the talk radio hosts poke snide remarks about Whitney made me think about my own addiction (food) and Yvonne’s  addiction (alcohol and prescription medication).

I don’t think anyone on planet earth signs up for a life of total misery with cravings, indulgences, and crashes.  Whether we are born with it or pick it up from our environment, or a combination of the two—it’s devastating. It’s devastating for everyone, the addictive person certainly, and their friends and family, who watch the slow suicide helplessly.

I was one of the fortunate ones—I hung up my food addiction and turned to recovery while around the same time Yvonne took her last breath. I knew I had to get off the merry-go-round and nip this problem in the bud or risk health consequences. I chose abstinence from sugar, flour, and wheat and turned to a Higher Energy  Source(God)—and it worked.  It wasn’t that I was an overnight success but rather it was a process.

Today, only a few short weeks after Whitney Houston’s death, the tabloid buzz has died down—people moved on. How sad one more addicted person’s life taken by the lost battle with addictions. The end of a great icon and the end of my best friend Yvonne, to never hear their laughter and voice, though it’s forever embedded in our memory.

Death is so final. Or is it?  Sometimes when I look up at the stars late at night I find the twinkle mirrors the sparkle in their once wide eyed brown eyes.  Perhaps Yvonne and Whitney are angels—and they'll live on through us                                                                              

http://weightcontroltherapy.com/

Photos by: Dr. Lisa Ortigara Crego

Is It Time To  Clear Your Space?

I flicked on the light, plugged in my fountain and oil lamp, opened the blinds to let the natural light in and rolled up my sleeves prepared to dig into my chore ahead.  At the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve I resolved to clear out clutter in my office and open my work space to rekindle the spiritual energy my office is known for. I spent an entire day dusting, vacuuming, scrubbing window ledges and shredding patient files older than seven years so I’d have space for the stack of files behind my chair, heaped on my desk and tucked in the credenza. I had my work cut out for me.

 
As I moved in silence, from one task to the next, memories of patients swirled in my mind. My heart ached as I came across several patients who died over the years. We bonded—swapped eating disorder war stories—and grew in spiritual, emotional, and physical recovery.
 

When I happened upon Martin’s file (anonymous name), caressing his folder as if he were still present, I remembered the first session of psychotherapy and hypnosis, how trapped he’d become in his body. Martin carried two hundred extra pounds on his 5’10” frame. Without opening his file, all our past conversations bubbled up within me. Like many of my patients, Martin believed therapy with me was his last strand of hope to release his obsession with food.

We began our session with the standard questions I ask during the collection of data phase when first working with a patient. Once I had gathered the medical, psychological, family, and work history I moved into personal belief systems to uncover hidden blocks and buried issues with regards to his eating disorder. I asked Martin, “Do you believe you are responsible for your own recovery? Is it the trigger food(s), or your lack of spiritual connection, or both, that prevent you from recovery? Can your recovery take precedence over an obsession with and addiction to the idea of weight loss? Are you ready to clear out the clutter in your thought process?

 
We discussed different approaches to treating his disordered eating and obesity. I suggested a program of recovery can include but need not be limited to: psychotherapy, a Twelve-Step program, an `anonymous’ support group, the advice of a nutritionist experienced in food addiction, and a prayer group—or a church, synagogue, or mosque group. And the list goes on. I asked, “Which components from this list attract your attention?” He opted for therapy, a nutritionist, and a prayer group affiliated with his church and Twelve-Step program addressing his compulsive eating.

It’s my belief if you’re not in peak condition, mentally, physically, spiritually—if you’re not “right” with your surroundings, and comfortable in your own skin, your full potential will be stunted. Martin believed this to be true, that in order to open his full potential he needed to tap into any and all help available and clear out the clutter in his thought process.

Many of us undergo serious health consequences as a result of food abuse. Initially Martin’s recovery from compulsive eating was out of a medical necessity—raging cholesterol—which led him to seek a doctor of addiction psychology for food addiction. 

 

Most of society doesn’t understand or accept food addiction as a real condition. In fact, people tend to be more understanding when an alcoholic doesn’t drink because so many people don’t drink today, either because they have a problem with alcohol, take medication, or they don’t want to drink and drive. Moreover, alcoholism is seen as an addiction; whereas, this isn't the case with food addiction.

Although Martin managed to reach and maintain a healthy weight, he died at 57 from congestive heart failure, which most likely resulted from lifelong poor lifestyle habits. Sometimes patients go past the point of no return and their bodies can’t repair. Perhaps this was the case for Martin.

Today, my office sparkles and the space I so needed is restored. Although I shredded a mountain of files, the stories will forever remain etched in my heart. As I closed the blinds, shut the lights, unplugged the fountain and oil lamp, I took one last look back at my now squeaky clean quaint space I so love to work in, and smiled at the thought of Martin so excited when he was able to once again tie his shoes, ride a bike, cross his legs, and button the bottom buttons of his shirt. Yes, he died perhaps earlier than his time, but he died after years of getting his life back—no longer imprisoned by his weight. It’s never too late to clear out the clutter and reach for the stars, even if you only touch the moon.

Photos by: Dr. Lisa Ortigara Crego

Happy Birthday America!

Happy Birthday America! It's hard to believe the Fourth of July weekend is once again coming to an end. So often we go through this holiday weekend marking the event with picnics, barbeques, and various outdoor activities. But, the 4th of July is much more than a day off of work. For me, it's a day worth remembering and reminiscing.

I'm grateful for my independence and freedom to live in this great country. Yes, it’s the day America decided to become independent of Great Britain and represents freedom to make our own rules and be responsible for our welfare, but it also is a time to look back and remember family events—good and bad.

This morning my day began with sunny, blue skies, white puffy clouds, birds singing and a wonderful walk, talk and prayer time with my sister. No doubt, a start to a picture perfect South Florida day! Independence Day is a time for Americans to remember and celebrate what was and what is—not only for our country but for your personal desires.

Are you on course?

Although today is truly glorious day for me, somewhere someone out there is mourning something. Perhaps a family member is sick, or you lost someone you love, or maybe you personally are facing a challenge of your own. I’m certain there are many fur-children out there not too happy. I can attest to my Sage’s fear of fireworks which is inevitable this entire weekend.

Also on this day I think of  my Mom and recall several Fourth of Julys before and after she suffered a massive stroke. I am filled with joy for great memories as well as sadness. The first 4th of July after her stroke I questioned how the world could still move forward while I was suspended in gripping emotional pain.

And yet, no matter where you are in your life today, even though you might be grappling with an emotional, physical, or spiritual loss, the 4th of July must go on. It is no doubt a time for celebration, which includes: picnics, boat outings, Barbeques, et cetera, along with foods, drinks and temptations. This is the American way!

I can't help but wonder what role food plays in illnesses, losses, and death. In my line of work (eating disorders and mood disorders) holidays can be very difficult when platters of favorite foods are presented in front of you. I have a long history of active food addiction that certainly was fired up during this very holiday weekend. My recollection brings me to our summer vacation home in Wautoma, Wisconsin where we began each morning of our holiday weekend with several boxes of glazed, chocolate, and long-john doughnuts filled with cream washed down with chocolate milk or a huge breakfast of eggs, bacon, cheese, and loaves of Italian bread slathered in butter.

Holidays meant lots of foods tempting me to eat myself into a coma. Today is different; I understand my food addiction and practice recovery every day. It’s not always easy and certainly I’m not perfect. I have witnessed in my practice, as a certified addiction professional, and certified eating disorder professional the different facets of eating disorders, none of which are easy to move from active addiction to recovery. But, it can be done.

My Mom had her own battle with food and weight. She spent all of her adult life obese and she ate large portions of high fat, salty foods. Perhaps she grew her body rather than restricted to accomplish hiding within her body. My grandmother, also a large woman, bounced from diets to bingeing. No doubt my food issues were inherited genetically and environmentally. Mom died just before her 67th birthday.

I believe unprocessed foods play a huge role in healthy minds and healthy bodies. All of my self-hypnosis CDs addresses the importance of clean eating, exercise, and spiritual recovery.

And so here we are on this glorious day. The Florida sun tucked away for the evening as festivities of 4th of July come to a halt. I wonder, as the last bits of fireworks fall from the sky, sounds still within ear shot, how many close this day with full bellies and empty bellies both rumbling from restricting or bingeing. Many are alone and lonely, turning to food for comfort...or not. Eating disorders come in many guises. It does not matter if your black or white...or somewhere in between. It does not matter if you're rich or poor...or somewhere in the middle.

Today, I celebrate America's Independence. I celebrate my independence. I broke away from food controlling me...and now live free. I hope those suffering and hurting today will find independence from pain and sadness—and the loss of loved ones. Life is to be celebrated. America is to be celebrated. Let's wave our flag proudly. We live in a country that offers help and hope to all.



Photo by: Dr. Lisa Ortigara Crego

Obesity in America...

On an Oprah show I heard Mrs. Obama discussing the obesity epidemic in America and how change needs to take place, especially getting children to incorporate more exercise and healthy foods as part of their daily lifestyle.

Great idea! But is it realistic?

I can't count how many families have sought my help with their children's obesity. When I suggest the entire family get off sugar, white flour and processed foods they get the deer-caught-in-the head-lights look. Or they stare at me like I sprouted horns right in front of their very eyes.

I go on gently to explain how attracted we are to processed foods because they are addictive and I discuss what food addiction looks like in children and adults. I share my food addiction story along with my recovery and often, in time,  they begin to nod their heads as they hear their story in my story.

Early in childhood I was fixated on sugar—never getting enough and going to great extremes to obtain it: stealing, hiding and hoarding.

Although I didn’t have an awareness of food addiction, I knew something was wrong.

In hindsight, I realized I ate out of control and bargained with myself and God to stop—after this one last pastry. I felt shame if I got caught stealing food or money to buy food; yet, I didn’t have the mentality to understand I was compulsive eating until my adolescent years when weight began to pile on. And even then I didn’t know there was an actual eating disorder called, binge eating disorder—and that I had it.

What I did know was my friends ate when they were hungry and they instincually knew to stop eating when they were full, and they didn’t hide or sneak their foods, nor did they have shame every time they ate.

Food addicts have a severe and ongoing disturbance in the manner in which they handle food. The depiction of addiction to food resembles the hallmarks of any addiction. The food addict is caught in the grip of a compulsive, habitual behavior that can’t be controlled.

The binge eater begins eating when she didn’t plan to and can’t stop eating when she wants to. Addiction is the persistent and repetitive enactment of a behavioral pattern the person recurrently fails to resist and that consequently leads to significant physical, psychological, social, legal, or other major life problems.

Loss of control over eating and obesity produce changes in the brain, which is similar to those produced by drugs of abuse.

Food addiction is a loss of control over eating coupled with the physiological tolerance and psychological dependence that occurs when a specific stimulus (food) is ingested. Typically, this addiction can result in negative consequences for basic life functions and relationships with family; social situations; intimate relationships; the sufferers relationship with God and spiritual development; and/or in relation to the law, health, and work life.

Research indicates more than half of Americans are overweight and at least a quarter near obesity. Weight loss products and services  cost consumers over 50 billion dollars annually and the numbers are climbing. More than 325,000 deaths are attributable to obesity-related causes each year.

My mother and grandmother were included in these statistics; their lives were shortened through a series of strokes and finally pneumonia as a result of their obesity.

So, yes I applaud Mrs. Obama for addressing children and family obesity and the wonderful suggestions she brings to the table. Unfortunately, I believe the problem goes deeper than exercise and healthy food choices. Food addiction is rampant and until their is a clear understanding about what it is and what the signs are all the diet and exercise suggestions will continue to go unheard.

Photo Taken by: Benjamin Crego

Easter Day...

When I think of pale yellow daffodils with deep golden centers the first thought that pops into my head is Easter and spring time. The second thought is Lent. Today is Easter and Lent has come to a close.

My Lenten plan was to go to church every Sunday and to be kind to everyone—no matter what. Well, I didn’t quite make it, but I did my best. Lent is the forty-day-long liturgical season of fasting and prayer before Easter. I definitely don’t engage in the fasting part, as anyone who knows me will tell you I’m not nice when I’m deprived of "my" food. So, I continue to eat my three healthy meals a day with a half meal as a snack, and it works like a charm.

When I think of the meaning of Lent, I can't help but slip into my many memories of vowing to God I will not eat chocolate, sugar, and flour for forty days and forty nights. Back in the days, on Ash Wednesday, I would sit in the pew, teeth clenched, with the promise to never ever binge on sugary, chocolaty foods starting day one of Lent. I promised—only to fall a few short days into my penance.

This morning with church jam packed from one end to the other, I was without a seat, pressed against the side wall with an opportunity to observe everyone. As I looked around the church, watching all those sitting comfy in their pew, I let my mind wander, while a priest I didn’t know went on talking about how great it was to see the church full, and at the same time I scanned the room assessing and guessing what each person gave up for lent and questioned if they were relieved that today they can indulge once again, or if they made it as far as they intended on Ash Wednesday.

Then my mind reverted back to myself—hmmm—I guess I could yell at someone today. Not. I can't miss the point and move in the wrong spiritual direction of where I strive to be. As my mind continued to wander and wonder which of these folks gave up alcohol, or maybe drugs, sex...or some behavior or thought they were agonizing over. I used to give up this, that, or the other, and made it for just a few days before succumbing to my addiction: food.

As far back as a small child I gave up candy for Lent. And even then I couldn’t string but a few days together before diving into some gooey treat. If mom didn’t catch me then my conscience did. I always felt God watched and one day He would punish me for will power deficit. But, today I know my God of understanding is filled with love and that will power has nothing to do with addiction and that abstinence for me was (and is) the resolution. Today, I left church snug, with my conscience in tact, and feeling all the glory of Easter.

It is evident to me that I have come a very long way from those many Lenten seasons of the past. I made my way back to my car smiling and nodding at others and they responded in kind—I pondered to myself on how warm and loving their eyes were and at the extra gaze they so generously gave. I think I’ll continue practicing kindness and love.


Photo by: Dr. Lisa Ortigara Crego

Spiritual Being....

Another day is about to unfold. I always look forward to the treasures of life that await me. This morning I rode my bike along the Hollywood, Florida Inter-Coastal and up the bridge and along the sea side. What a view! As I pedaled with energy and enthusiasm I thought about how I used to feel exhausted and full of dispair. I have come a long way from the overweight girl with body, mind, and spirit deficits to living my best life.

After swinging from one diet to another my food addiction made me so desperate that I fell to my knees in hopelessness, and then I began to carve out a God. God can be a gentle breeze, the sun, or light. What you call this great energy doesn’t matter. You could call it God, Lesley, Sam, or Toto—a name is simply that, a name. God is bigger than what you call Him/It. He is consciousness—a higher self of me. He was in me all along. Sort of like the situation of Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. She had everything she needed within herself, and it only took the wizard to point her in the right direction to learn what she had within all along.

Tap deep into your own desires and you’ll find what it is you’re looking for. God may show up for you while you pray, sleep, dance, swim, or when you’re in a compulsive eat-frenzy and can’t stop. You’ll find Him through your understanding of what He is. People are often confused about the difference between religion and spirituality.

Religion isn't necessarily a context for the spiritual. Religion can be defined as a (mental) belief in and reference to a supernatural power or powers regarded as creator and governor of the universe. It’s an institutionalized or even personal system grounded in such (mental) belief and, ideally, worship—which consists of a mental/emotional turning to that supernatural reference point. Religion generally includes a set of credos, values, and practices based on the teachings of a spiritual leader. It is a cause, principle, or activity pursued with zeal or conscientious devotion and/or mental allegiance.

Religion, hopefully, encompasses an increasing experience of the spiritual reality of one’s relationship with God. Over the years, my own spiritual practice evolved into honest conversations with God, meditations, rides along the ocean, silence, and letting go of my silly mind chatter. From these efforts and spontaneous arisings, I felt an inner transformation and an overall improved sense of well-being emerge. This process of frequently turning to the greater power in all sincerity brought me closer to a spiritual connection I couldn’t find with my religion alone. Thus, I have come to see a difference between religion itself and the spirituality it may or may not foster.

Yes, another day is about to unfold. I always look forward to the treasures of life that await me. This morning I rode my bike along the Hollywood, Florida Inter-Coastal and up the bridge and along the sea side and I saw God's art work splashed in hues of orange, purple, and shades of green behind white puffs of clouds. What a spectacular view! I have grown spiritually, emotionally, and physically from the obese girl I was.

What is Spirituality?

What is the experience of spirituality? My patients in treatment for various eating disorders often ask me this very question. The answer is not so easy, especially when spirituality is an individual experience—with no two exposures mirrored.

Treatment for eating disorders is three-fold: physical, emotional and spiritual. Often the spiritual component is missing. Is it important? From my perspective, as a certified eating disorder professional and a food addict in recovery, spirituality is KEY to restoring a healthy balance.

What is the experience like when a spiritual connection is ever-present? For me, it’s a constant intangible companion through trials and tribulations. It’s an awareness that whispers answers to questions often not posed—when everything is dark and there’s nowhere and no one to turn to. Spirituality is the hug from God when you feel alone. It is His strength when you feel weak.True, this “thing” called spirituality is not tangible, but omnipotent when you open your heart and receive it. This infinite power shows no bias and no preference and is available to anyone who seeks.

What is spiritual deficit? When disconnected from spiritual recovery the sun no longer shines and the birds are silent—you drown in despair, so alone gasping for relief—any relief to stop the pain is welcomed. The lack of divine—is an innate gnawing sense something is not right within. To not be in spiritual presence is as powerful as to be—but on an insane track, hiding food in your purse, closet, drawers and filling up to your eye balls with food – stomach distended—dying within and dying without.

Spirituality is a term that is impossible to define because each individual attracts his or her spiritual-self differently. Spiritual sacredness is a personal, internal vision—a part of the self that refers to faith in something greater and more profound than self. Faith is not necessarily in the context of organized religion, but rather as how one perceives their own connection with a force higher than themselves. In the context of this blog, spirituality best fits to an internal exploration rather than to objective reasoning.

Ericson (1996) says it best:

Although I am well versed in the “techniques” and “tools” of psychology and psychotherapy, I believe that these are merely “tools.” The real healing takes place with these tools and the willingness and openness to allow that “power greater than self” to intervene. I believe that to use these tools without a healthy respect and inclusion of the spiritual process is like trying to run a race with one leg. (pp.104-105)

So, what is the experience of spirituality? It is allowing yourself to be open and willing to let your experience take you where your journey directs you—to embrace whatever comes…


Photos by: Dr. Lisa Ortigara Crego


Ericson Phyllis (1996). “Journey of the soul…The emerging self…from dis-ease to discovery.” Dissertation Abstracts International, 58 (8), 4579B (UMI No. 9542654)

Yo Yo Dieting

When I explain what is really going on with binge eating and food addiction patients often resemble the deer in the headlights look. It is like they are caught! As Oprah often says, "It is a light bulb moment!" Suddenly understanding their up and down weight loss and gain becomes clear. The yo yo dieting syndrome has an explanation...an answer. It's not their fault!


Yo yo dieting is more the norm than not. The other day I was watching a recorded Oprah show (April 30, 2009) interviewing Kirstie Alley and a second person (a non-movie star) Michael Hebranko. Both were telling their heart-felt stories of losing and gaining weight. A story I know all too well. I felt their pain and urgency. Not only do I understand their yo yo diet syndrome, the patients I work with day in and day out share a similar story. What is the answer?

As I watched, Kirstie promised with such conviction she would lose her weight again and owned the "secret" way to drop weight quickly. I sadly shook my head thinking about how many times I promised to lose the weight and that I had the quick weight loss secret too. Kirstie swore she lost 20 pounds in a few short weeks and would reach her "goal" weight come November(which I need remind you she had promised for her bikini debut back in 2007). Oprah interjected, suggesting she might be setting herself up for failure. I (alone watching this taped video) was cheering Oprah for stepping in and recognizing Kirstie's "diet" mentality perhaps being detrimental to her success. Sadly, at no time did Oprah or Kirstie acknowledge abstinence from their drug(s): sugar, flour, and wheat. It reminds me of the addict who promises they will never take another hit, snort, or shoot up again, but without admission to the addictive components, rather only looking from a "will power" frame of mind. I was hearing diet and addiction mentality.

Michael Hebranko was different than Kirstie in that he was not a movie star bearing the glitz and twinkle. He reminded me of one of the first patients I saw in my early days of practice. He was wearing close to 1,000 pounds of weight like Michael. I made weekly house calls (back in the 90's when I was new in my profession) and conducted psychotherapy. He was a delight to work with. He understood sugar, flour, and wheat were drugs to him and agreed to abstain. He understood developing a spiritual connection to something greater than himself was the key. Like Michael, he dropped hundreds of pounds. When he was at a safe place weight-wise we agreed he would drive in for therapy. Instead, he began to binge. Again, like Michael, he put his weight back on. Unlike Michael my patient passed away. He was only 27 years old. Addictions are stronger and bigger than our will to stop using.

Michael, unlike Kirstie, was aware he needed to take one day at a time and practice recovery. He was no longer reaching for the "quick" fix. He was humble and focused. He seemed to have an understanding that certain foods were triggers for him, but I did not hear words of abstinence from these foods, particularly flour. He also recognized a higher power (he called God) as he kept referring to God in the interview and how thankful and grateful he was for this second opportunity to correct his weight. He released 300 pounds. Although he had several hundreds of pounds to go, he was focused on the here and now, working his program one meal at a time with progress not perfection. I think he will make it!

Although I personally never weighed more than one hundred pounds above my ideal weight, I can relate to both Kirstie Alley and Michael Hebranko. When I was in the food I promised I would stop. I too vowed to lose the weight and never binge again. I meant it! After I would drop some weight and start looking good I would fall into a binge. It was not until I realized I had to let go of the addictive foods in order to be free of the obsessions and cravings. It was not a question of will power but rather of letting go of an addiction to specific foods. As simple as it sounds it worked. My weight corrected and I am free of cravings. Many patients I work with also are free from cravings and have returned to their normal weight. I wish I could say they all followed my path, but truth be told, many are on the same ride as Kirstie Alley and Michael Hebranko, gaining weight they lost.

Statistics show about 5% of people keep off the weight they have lost for more than a year. And, those that have the weight off for more than 5 years have a better chance of staying thin. Thank you God I fall into this category! I believe Kirstie is setting herself up for failure vowing once again to wear a bikini in November and rushing to lose her weight. This is diet mentality. I did not hear the same diet talk from Michael. I heard a clear understanding it was a process that would take time. He seemed to understand eating balanced meals and taking one day at a time was the ticket to his recovery. Although I did not hear specific talk about spiritual recovery, Michael echoed some thoughts regarding God. Kirstie did not mention any spiritual understanding. Perhaps this could be part of her missing link. It is not about the food, nor is it about the weight. It is about having an addiction to food. It is about turning to a physical, emotional, and spiritual recovery.

So, as I finished watching Oprah’s interview with two very familiar stories it allowed me to reflect where I had been and where I am today. Their story is my story; however, I am on the flip side of it and live life free of weight, worry, and diet mentality. No more deer in the headlights. The answer is eating free of sugar, flour, and wheat and turning it over to a power greater than our own. This power can be whatever is fitting for each person. It could be God, energy, the sun, et cetera...



Photos taken by: Dr. Lisa Ortigara Crego

Lenten Season and Abstinence

When I think of tulips the first thought that pops into my head is Easter and spring time. The second thought is Lent. Ash Wednesday (yesterday) was the start of the Lenten season. Wikipedia (the free encyclopedia on-line!) defines Lent (in some Christian denominations) as the forty-day-long liturgical season of fasting and prayer before Easter. I don't know about the fasting part, as I am not nice when I am deprived of "my" food: Ask my family!!!

When I think of the meaning of Lent I can't help but slip into my many memories of vowing to God I will never eat chocolate, sugar, and flour again. I would sit in the pew, teeth clenched, promising I will never ever binge on sugary, chocolaty foods. I promise! Only to fall a few short days into my penance.

Well, yesterday as I looked around the church, sitting comfy in my pew, I let my mind wander (while Father Tom was explaining the meaning of Lent...about how this is the season of preparation for the believer—through prayer, penitence, alms-giving, and self-denial...for the next 6 weeks until Easter) and began to scan the room assessing what each person might be struggling with. Perhaps some were giving up alcohol, or maybe drugs, sex...or some behavior or thought they were agonizing over. I recall when I would give up this, that...or the other...and make it for just a few days before succumbing to my food addiction.

As far back as a small child I was giving up candy for Lent. And even then I could not string but a few days together before diving into some gooey treat. I remember Mom catching me with a huge bag of candies I had bought from The Penny's Store only a few days after giving up sweets as part of my penance. Mom was furious and put the bag in the third drawer of the dresser in her bedroom. The very same bedroom and dresser I found the cough medicine with a terrifying picture of a scull on the back side reading: Poison! Although the picture was frightening, as I was barely 5 years of age, it did not stop me from guzzling down a good portion of the bottle. I was attracted to the sugary cherry taste...and ended up in the hospital to get my stomach pumped.

Okay, I digressed...back to the candy in the third drawer in my parents bedroom. I would sneak in their room every day to steal a piece (okay..several pieces!) always feeling God was watching me and I would be punished for this. But, I could not stop myself. This "thing" would come over me and I HAD TO HAVE it. I think of it like a run away train...no way is it going to stop for quite a distance.

I racked up years of unsuccessful attempts at giving up sweets for Lent until one year (about 13 years ago) I gave up chocolate, sugar, and white flour for Lent. For real! No cheating. No taking breaks on Sunday. No excuses. I abstained the entire forty days and forty nights and weekends too! After about the first three days I began to feel absolutely fabulous. I was free of cravings, low self-worth disappeared, mood swings corrected, body aches became nonexistent, not to mention weight began to release. I had dropped several sizes in the weeks of abstinence. And I was at a good weight to begin with as I had "dieted" off nearly 100 pounds.

I remember driving up to the West Coast of Florida to spend Easter with Mom and my then little boy Benjamin, feeling absolutely fantastic and "swearing" I would not break my abstinence simply because it was Easter and I could (according to the church). This particular Easter Mom had the really good stuff: Cadbury Easter Eggs (dark chocolate). How could I possibly go an Easter without a Cadbury Easter Egg? That was it! I dove in and ate the entire weekend...and went on for quite a few years before giving up the sugar, flour, and wheat for good.

It was evident to me yesterday that I have come a very long way from those many Lenten seasons of the past. As I sat in the pew wondering who had eaten what, or drugged with their last drug, or smoked their last cigarette, I smiled within and thanked God that I no longer had to sit with a clenched jaw thinking about what "substance" I had to give up; but, rather was grateful for how far I have come, able to let go of the sugar, flour, and wheat...not just for the Lenten season but for years and years. Furthermore, I have been able to help many others do the same through self-hypnosis and psychotherapy. I recognize my growth and witness their positive changes as well.

I left the church feeling strong and healthy and good about myself. As I made my way back to my car smiling at others while they were responding with smiles I thought were extra big, I pondered to myself on how kind and loving their nods were and extra big smiles they so generously gave. That is until I got into the car to examine my ashes on my forehead and realized the Deacon had "got" me again! Every year he seems to put the biggest, darkest cross of ashes on my forehead almost taking up the entire space. I guess the mark is to humble me and wake me from my stoic place.

Photo taken by: Lisa Ortigara Crego

Giving in to Food Addiction...

As I gaze at this picture I took a few months ago I remember thinking how the sun rising looks similar to the sun setting. Is it a beginning or an ending...only to be a beginning once again? Somehow, my mind managed to relate this thought to successfully giving up addictive foods only to fall back to binging on sugary and flour foods, and then to give them up again. A continuous cycle like sunrise and sunset.

A dear friend of mine, who I admire and respect, fell off her program eating free of sugar, flour and wheat after years of leading the way for many food addicts. At first, I felt heaviness in my heart: an ending. But...then I thought about myself and the times I fell off my path and succumbed to binge eating. Although they were dreadful times, I learned and grew from each experience beyond my wildest imagination.

You see, when you are eating non processed real foods and your weight is "normalized" there is this sense of glorious mastering (beating) a chronic, progressive, and fatal disease. You begin to forget where you were, only focused on where you are: your success. Today, at times I might embrace this almighty knowing because I am 100 pounds lighter and hundreds of people come to me for advice...and then the unthinkable happens: your mentor falls. It's like an ice cold splash of water smack in the face. It is a reminder that this disease does not go away, it is only masked with clean eating, while lurking in the background is the disease wanting to resurface.

But is this the end? No! It is only the beginning. Just as the sun rises and sets and then rises once again. Every fall brings an incredible surge of erecting. I would not be where I am today if I did not crash many times. Father Rookey (a wonderful priest I know) told me once, "Out of bad comes good: Always." He spoke these words with such conviction as he looked straight into my eyes.

Out of bad, comes good: Always! Hey, look at Oprah...another mentor of mine (and probably yours). She too struggles with this insidious disease. She inevitably will turn bad into good. It is destined. But for today, she is struggling with her weight and addiction to food. Food addiction knows no bias. It does not matter how rich or poor you are, educated or uneducated, if your skin is black, white, or brown. Food addiction is a chemical imbalance that often comes with weight gain and even obesity. Statistics show more than seven million Americans suffer from Binge Eating Disorder (BED), which often is perpetuated by food addiction (chemical imbalance).

I read in Oprah Magazine (March, 2009), What I Know for Sure section, "66% of American adults are either overweight or obese." In my own research I learned that if Americans don't make a positive change in their eating and exercise 75% of the population will be overweight or obese by the year 2015! This is not astounding to me as my pager rings several times a day with someone reaching out for help with their eating disorder.

Yes, my dear friend and mentor is in a dark place. You could say she is the sun going down. But tomorrow is the birth of a new day, a new beginning. She will climb out of her darkness and blind us all with her light. Out of bad comes good: Always!

Photo taken by: Lisa Ortigara Crego