Lenten Season and Abstinence

When I think of tulips the first thought that pops into my head is Easter and spring time. The second thought is Lent. Ash Wednesday (yesterday) was the start of the Lenten season. Wikipedia (the free encyclopedia on-line!) defines Lent (in some Christian denominations) as the forty-day-long liturgical season of fasting and prayer before Easter. I don't know about the fasting part, as I am not nice when I am deprived of "my" food: Ask my family!!!

When I think of the meaning of Lent I can't help but slip into my many memories of vowing to God I will never eat chocolate, sugar, and flour again. I would sit in the pew, teeth clenched, promising I will never ever binge on sugary, chocolaty foods. I promise! Only to fall a few short days into my penance.

Well, yesterday as I looked around the church, sitting comfy in my pew, I let my mind wander (while Father Tom was explaining the meaning of Lent...about how this is the season of preparation for the believer—through prayer, penitence, alms-giving, and self-denial...for the next 6 weeks until Easter) and began to scan the room assessing what each person might be struggling with. Perhaps some were giving up alcohol, or maybe drugs, sex...or some behavior or thought they were agonizing over. I recall when I would give up this, that...or the other...and make it for just a few days before succumbing to my food addiction.

As far back as a small child I was giving up candy for Lent. And even then I could not string but a few days together before diving into some gooey treat. I remember Mom catching me with a huge bag of candies I had bought from The Penny's Store only a few days after giving up sweets as part of my penance. Mom was furious and put the bag in the third drawer of the dresser in her bedroom. The very same bedroom and dresser I found the cough medicine with a terrifying picture of a scull on the back side reading: Poison! Although the picture was frightening, as I was barely 5 years of age, it did not stop me from guzzling down a good portion of the bottle. I was attracted to the sugary cherry taste...and ended up in the hospital to get my stomach pumped.

Okay, I digressed...back to the candy in the third drawer in my parents bedroom. I would sneak in their room every day to steal a piece (okay..several pieces!) always feeling God was watching me and I would be punished for this. But, I could not stop myself. This "thing" would come over me and I HAD TO HAVE it. I think of it like a run away train...no way is it going to stop for quite a distance.

I racked up years of unsuccessful attempts at giving up sweets for Lent until one year (about 13 years ago) I gave up chocolate, sugar, and white flour for Lent. For real! No cheating. No taking breaks on Sunday. No excuses. I abstained the entire forty days and forty nights and weekends too! After about the first three days I began to feel absolutely fabulous. I was free of cravings, low self-worth disappeared, mood swings corrected, body aches became nonexistent, not to mention weight began to release. I had dropped several sizes in the weeks of abstinence. And I was at a good weight to begin with as I had "dieted" off nearly 100 pounds.

I remember driving up to the West Coast of Florida to spend Easter with Mom and my then little boy Benjamin, feeling absolutely fantastic and "swearing" I would not break my abstinence simply because it was Easter and I could (according to the church). This particular Easter Mom had the really good stuff: Cadbury Easter Eggs (dark chocolate). How could I possibly go an Easter without a Cadbury Easter Egg? That was it! I dove in and ate the entire weekend...and went on for quite a few years before giving up the sugar, flour, and wheat for good.

It was evident to me yesterday that I have come a very long way from those many Lenten seasons of the past. As I sat in the pew wondering who had eaten what, or drugged with their last drug, or smoked their last cigarette, I smiled within and thanked God that I no longer had to sit with a clenched jaw thinking about what "substance" I had to give up; but, rather was grateful for how far I have come, able to let go of the sugar, flour, and wheat...not just for the Lenten season but for years and years. Furthermore, I have been able to help many others do the same through self-hypnosis and psychotherapy. I recognize my growth and witness their positive changes as well.

I left the church feeling strong and healthy and good about myself. As I made my way back to my car smiling at others while they were responding with smiles I thought were extra big, I pondered to myself on how kind and loving their nods were and extra big smiles they so generously gave. That is until I got into the car to examine my ashes on my forehead and realized the Deacon had "got" me again! Every year he seems to put the biggest, darkest cross of ashes on my forehead almost taking up the entire space. I guess the mark is to humble me and wake me from my stoic place.

Photo taken by: Lisa Ortigara Crego