Thanksgiving!

Be comforted dear soul! There is always light behind the clouds.

~Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

Thanksgiving is a day of thanks, a day of praise, a day of gratitude for the fortunate. Who is fortunate? Is it the rich person? Perhaps the one with a roof over the head? Or is it purely existence?  Is the fortunate one the person present living? It's different for everyone. My fortunate is the ability to stay present—in the now—and give thanks and praise. Present living was not always a possibility for me in the past, but now, living in this moment befriends me. Of course it's not always so easy when life is filled with trials and tribulations. 

Is there always a light behind the clouds?

Can you sit still on this day of Thanksgiving and connect to the present even if there’s a dark cloud over you? Have you ever tried to stay quiet in the mind driven by gratitude? It's pure heaven. The mind always wants to think about what needs to be done next or what we already did. It's not so easy to focus on the here and now and bask in grace and gratitude when daily worries distract you from the abundance that is yours. Mortgage payments, troublesome spouses, out of control children, roofs leaking, a headache, even sour milk can interfere with your gratitude on this day of Thanksgiving, but your Higher Source (Whomever you turn to—God, Jesus, Sun, Energy, etc.) during challenging times showers continuous blessings and love down on you.

What makes me fixed on staying present when chaos surrounds me is deep breathing my way to calm—the present moment. Like you, many of my loved ones are not here on this day of giving thanks, they died or live in another state but they remain in my heart, which encourages me to sit still in gratitude for what I have in the here and now.

I took a long luxurious bike ride this morning along the Inter-coastal and Atlantic ocean with the most spectacular view before me side by side with one of my sons. As we pedaled our way up the bridge we witnessed the sun peak out over the purple/orange backdrop on the ocean shoreline breathing in the sea air.  My legs are strong and my energy abound. My bike moves with me as if we are one. A new day is about to begin. I am in the now—present.

Thanksgiving was not always a time for me to sit in gratitude. I’m a recovering food addict, and in the past, today marked the eating frenzy that launched my holiday eating. Actually, truth be told, that’s not true,  my out of control food fest began from Halloween until January 1 when I’d make my New Year’s resolution. On Thanksgiving day I’d until I could eat no more—until the food was all the way up to the rim of my throat and my pants cut into my bulging stomach—promising I’d diet come Monday. And Monday never came.

I am an addict addicted to processed foods and this holiday for most food addicts is lethal because there is no end to the eating or at least until we are so full the pain is greater than the need for that one more bite.

Food addiction is a loss of control over eating coupled with the physiological tolerance and psychological dependence that occurs when a specific stimulus (food) is ingested. Typically, this addiction can result in negative consequences for basic life functions and relationships with family; social situations; intimate relationships; the sufferers relationship God and spiritual development; or in relation to the law, health, and work life.

Early in childhood I was fixated on sugar—never getting enough and going to great extremes to obtain it: stealing, hiding and hoarding. Although I didn’t have an awareness of food addiction, I knew something was wrong. In hindsight, I realize I ate out of control and bargained with myself and God to stop—after this one last pastry. I felt shame if I got caught stealing food or money to buy food; yet, I didn’t have the mentality to understand I was compulsive eating until my adolescent years when weight began to pile on. And even then I didn’t know there was an actual eating disorder called, binge eating disorder—and that I had it.

What I did know was my friends ate when they were hungry and stopped when they had enough and didn’t hide or sneak their foods nor had shame. Food addicts have a severe and ongoing disturbance in the manner in which they handle food. The depiction of addiction to food resembles the hallmarks of any addiction. The food addict is caught in the grip of a compulsive, habitual behavior that can’t be controlled.

The binge eater begins eating when she didn’t plan to and can’t stop eating when she wants to. Addiction is the persistent and repetitive enactment of a behavioral pattern the person recurrently fails to resist and that consequently leads to significant physical, psychological, social, legal, or other major life problems. Loss of control over eating and obesity produce changes in the brain, which is similar to those produced by drugs of abuse.

Today I practice mindfulness. The dictionary defines mindfulness as calm awareness of one's body functions, feelings, content of consciousness, or consciousness itself. I am totally conscious of my fingers dancing over the keys putting words together. I am told mindfulness is the path to liberation and enlightenment. It is the intense purpose of staying in the now. I get this. 
 

So, today I am present. I refuse to think about what needs to be done next or what I already did. I am present with each breath in and out. I am present to the sounds of birds singing and the whispers of the wind as it folds through the palm trees out my window. I am here and now. What makes me fixed on staying present is is the peace and tranquility it brings. And of course the whiff of turkey baking in the oven doesnt' hurt! 

Photos by:  Dr. Lisa Ortigara Crego

Why Can't I Stop Eating?

So, you ask yourself,'Why can't I stop eating?' or 'What's wrong with me that I’m eating a huge amount of food—when I’m not even hungry?'

Did you ever consider you may have an eating disorder? Okay, it's harsh to even consider the idea. Nobody wants to be "labeled" with a disorder. I get that. I have binge eating disorder and denied it for years until one day (after gaining and losing and gaining close to 100 pounds) I came to my senses and admitted I had an eating disorder and gradually changed my relationship with food; hence, my journey to recovery began. Was it easy? Certainly not! Was it doable? Absolutely!

Let's face it, change doesn't come easy for most of us and learning we might have a disorder that requires cognitive/behavioral changes is darn right scary. So what does one do? I believe the answer begins by making choices towards a healthy life style. We can hunker down to what is familiar—not willing to budge—or we can step out of our comfort zone and try recovery strategies that may seem foreign at first.

As an expert in eating disorders, I have found answers not only for myself but also for my patients who have binge eating disorder, bulimia, anorexia, food addiction, or a combination of all four. You may wonder if it’s possible to move in and out of binge eating, purging, and restricting—the answer is yes. In fact, it’s not uncommon to dance between a mix of eating disorders.

You may find it interesting to learn, bulimia and anorexia are the eating disorders most familiar, but not most common. Patients often gasp when they learn that eating a large amount of food in a small period of time with little regards for consequences (and not purging) actually has a name and is considered an eating disorder that is more common than bulimia and anorexia. Most of my patients (including myself) have binge eating disorder without purging food. After an episode of bingeing, often the person harbors guilt and shame promising after this last binge they’ll get back to their diet and never engage in volume eating again.

Once my patients get past the fact they have a disorder, and that it actually has a name—binge eating disorder—they move into acceptance and a recovery plan.

So now, when you ask yourself, ‘why am I bingeing', you may want to take a closer look at what's going on in your life? Let's be clear, if you spend the evening hunkered down in a coma-state watching television, and to your surprise realize you inhaled an entire bag of potato chips, you are not automatically a binge eater. A binge eater frets over the fact they lost control over their food and may even fear they can't stop eating once they start and an intense fear of weight gain. Furthermore, it's not uncommon for a compulsive eater to hide their food and binge alone—filled with shame when the binge is over.

The cause and recovery strategy for compulsive eating is up for grabs—with many theories. Some say it is a chemical imbalance and name it food addiction. Some find it is an emotional crisis and bingeing is a way to avoid something bothersome. And still others find it is a spiritual deficit. I say, it's a three-prong problem: spiritual, emotional, and physical.

Most of my patients contact me because they want to lose weight and they tried every "diet" imaginable and still can't stop eating. Eating beyond full is common with a person suffering from binge eating disorder. What is causing this behavior? Perhaps you're sensitive to sugar, flour, and wheat due to a chemical imbalance causing you to crave more and more food, especially from sweet and starchy food choices.

You may have trouble resisting a binge because you suffer from a food addiction and/or an eating disorder. The answer is not simple and it requires a process that involves change in thoughts and behaviors. The first step for you is to get familiar with trigger foods and start weaning off of them. After a binge (or before would be ideal!) ask yourself a series of questions:

1. Was I hungry? When was the last time I ate? If it was more than five hours you most likely were hungry.
2. Was I angry about something? Is there something going on in my life that I feel out of control, anxious, hopeless, and/or helpless?
3. Am I lonely or feeling alone?
4. Am I tired? Did I get an ample amount of sleep?
5. Am I stressed? Do I have too much to do and little time for relaxation and fun?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, it may be the first place to address your eating issues. Also, pay attention to the foods you’re eating. Perhaps you are sensitive to processed foods such as: bread, cakes, cookies, flour, et cetera. So, if you ask yourself, 'Why can't I stop bingeing?' or 'What is wrong with me that I'm eating a huge amount of food when I’m not even hungry?', you may have an eating disorder or a chemical imbalance that triggers uncontrollable cravings and volume eating. My suggestion is to seek a certified eating disorder professional who can help you address these issues and move into recovery and quality living.