Biking in January!

Today, I was biking along the shoreline of the Atlantic ocean in sunny South Florida. I felt enormous gratitude! Here I am in the most beautiful setting while others are really cold somewhere out there.

I was recently in Chicago (see photo!) and it was 26 degrees below zero! My face almost fell off! And now...here I am peddling along the beach with the temperature nearing 80 degrees. How great is that! Today I witnessed many cloaked in little tiny bathing suits knowing somewhere out there (Chicago!) there are many bundled up in their multi-layered clothing.

As I was pedaling I was wondering how I would be able to keep my exercise in tact if I lived up north. Here in Florida my goal is to exercise 6 out of 7 days a week. While in Chicago, I was not able to meet my goal. As I am peddling along the shoreline, with seagulls keeping me company, I wonder how others fare living in a cold climate. As I pondered this thought, I went back in time when I did live in Chicago. Around this exact time of the year (mid-January), after the holiday festivities came to a halt, and my body was up a good 30 pounds from eating from Halloween until my New Years resolution, I would fall into a deep depression until April when the sun resurfaced and the pale gray slated skies disappeared. Some would call it Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Perhaps they were correct.

I don't have those "dark" days here in sunny Florida like I did when I lived up north. It was one winter back in January of 1986, standing on the platform waiting for the El train, when I decided no longer would I give in to another winter of cold. It was a cold and blistery day. I decided out loud that I had enough...I was moving to Hollywood (Florida that is!). And in May of 1986 off to Florida I went and never looked back.

Often in my past history my weight would fluctuate 100 pounds up and down. My last year living in Chicago was one of those times where I was able to control my weight to some degree. Although my eating disorder was flourishing even then, I was able to hide it (weight wise)because I was doing so much walking living in the city. Although I did not exercise regularly because of the cold, I was walking to catch a bus or a train every day several times. In addition, I was taking the stairs (at De Paul University) rather than the elevators. I was trying to eat clean for the most part and then would succumb to a binge on the weekends. Back then, I did not know about food addiction. I thought I was weak-willed and that I did not know how to "do it right." Now of course I know different.

Today, I know I am a food addict and there is no cure for food addiction, only recovery. I work my recovery every single day, whether I am here or in Chicago, or at my little beach home on the west coast. Eating sugar, flour, and wheat is not an option. Not exercising for long periods of time, is not an option. Today, as I rode along the shoreline of the Atlantic ocean I smiled on the inside and the outside all at the same time. I suppose onlookers might have thought I was a bit "touched," but I did not give it a care. I am free of food addictive behavior, my weight is "normal," and I feel spiritually balanced. All worth my efforts of vigilantly working my program.

Some say they could not eat the way I do, or exercise regularly; but, I say it beats being in Chicago freezing my you know what off and wearing an extra 100 pounds. Today life is centered and balanced for me. How about you? Is your life centered and balanced? How do you work your exercise program in the winter? Are you still pumped from your New Years Resolution? I want to hear from you!


Photo taken by: Lisa Ortigara Crego

A Sunday Walk Along the Beach...

Today was one of those incredible days. I took a long walk along the beach and was in total awe at the magnificence of the sea. With each step I was able to give thanks for all my blessings that continue to flow into my life. I remember a time when walking was so difficult for me. I remember a time when my inner thighs rubbed together causing blisters because my weight was nearly 100 pounds more than my body could handle.

This very spot on the beach brings back so many memories. I have been walking this very beach for nearly 40 years. I remember the first time when I was barely 13 years of age. This was the beginning of my preoccupation with food. I thought I just did not have "will" power. Now I realize it had nothing to do with will power and everything to do with a chemical imbalance. I did not know back then that I could not tolerate sugar, flour, and wheat. All I knew was that I had uncontrollable cravings and never seemed to fill up. I thought there was something wrong with me because I had no control over my food.

Today, as my feet felt the warmth of the soft sand and cool water as it lapped up to my ankles, I felt so free. Free from the pain that comes from actively eating addictive foods. I am in such a different frame of mind compared to those yesteryears. Today, I practice active recovery from food addiction. I eat my three balanced meals at the same time each day and a metabolic snack, and I am good. I don't need anything more or less. My body is able to operate at an optimal level and all guilt and shame is completely wiped away. My body is of a "normal" weight, and on and off dieting is no longer a part of my life. Instead, I adopt a healthy lifestyle, which includes, walking, biking, meditating, playing, praying, eating healthy "real" foods, and tyring to stay spiritually balanced.

Today was one of those incredible days that you wish you could bottle up and have it forever. I am grateful and thankful for the beach today, and to be able to walk with no strain. I am blessed with a healthy body and a healthy mind. Life is good! I am thankful...

Photo taken by: Lisa Ortigara Crego

Christmas in Florida!

Christmas day is about to come to a close. What a glorious day! We celebrated our annual Christmas Eve party last night. Always a gala event in our home. The house was filled with music, laughter, hugs, and tons of food.

As our party was winding down, requests for foods to take home began to pour in. It made me think of parties in the past when I would never offer anyone food because I wanted it all. I would eat and eat, and eat some more. In fact, when I gave up sugar, flour, and wheat many years ago, I was amazed to learn my family did not eat the "goods." I did! I would eat every bit knowing I was going on my "diet" on January 1.

Of course January 1 would come and go, but I did not start my new way of eating because I reasoned with myself that it was a holiday and I deserved to eat. Why not! I could start tomorrow. And of course tomorrow never came. Before I knew it Valentines Day was creeping up and certainly I could not start my way of eating until the holiday for "lovers" passed. And chocolate was my greatest love! But...promises to diet soon faded. I would reason with myself. It made perfect sense to wait until until Lent (good Catholic girl I am) before launching my diet. And of course on Ash Wednesday I would always wait (to get my ashes) for the latter part of the day so I could have my last hurrah with whatever I would be eating.

One Lent season I had an awakening! I decided to give up sugar, flour, and wheat for 40 days and 40 nights. I promised God none would touch my lips until Easter morning. Oh my! It was SO hard. I had the worst headache known to mankind. I thought I was suffering from an aneurysm. I had to lay in a dark room in absolute quiet. I could not even move my head. It felt like it weighed a million pounds. Every fiber of my being was hurting. For a minute I thought maybe God really wanted me to eat the sugary/starchy foods, and this was His sign. Nice try I heard Him whisper!

Soooooo...I continued to move through Lent without eating my beloved foods. I did it! I went 40 days and 40 nights, and after the first 3 torturous days, I was reborn. I felt unbelievable! I knew I was on to something big. I knew this was the way I should be eating. I had no cravings. Not one urge to eat sugary, starchy foods. It was a miracle! And to top it off, my weight began to drop slowly and steadily...until Easter morning came. I deserved to eat the Cadbury Easter Egg(s)! It was one of my Easter rituals...you know...open it and drizzle the goo on my tongue, down my throat, and just feel the sugar rush to my head. And that particular year, my Mom had bought special dark chocolate eggs. And...I began to eat the "goods" again...and again...and again.

It was many Christmases and other holidays before I "got" it. I remember going to a 12-step meeting looking for the answer and they presented almost exactly what I had done on that Lent so many years ago. I liked the idea...but not that much. So...I let more than a decade go by eating my way: dieting and binging, followed by dieting (which was clean eating except I allowed myself to have whole grain flours, and "gray" foods). But...I could never make it more than a few weeks before succumbing to yet another binge and slowly but surely my weight began to climb. Out of sheer fear I did find my way back to that 12-step program. Thank you God! Today, I am at a healthy weight! Last night (Christmas Eve) I was so reminded of where I used to be as I was packing up the "goods" for my guests. I was happy to see every sweet, gooey treat go.

Today, on this glorious Christmas day I woke up clear headed and free from cravings and free from guilt. I do not need to make a New Years resolution to give up sweets and processed foods like I had for so many years. I am in a good place. I have this big grin on my face (for real), and am filled with such joy knowing I carried on business as usual, even though it was a major holiday, normally food infested. Off to bed I go abstinent one more day. Life is good!

Photo taken by: Lisa Ortigara Crego

The Doctor is Human First...

I was just talking to a patient the other day and she was asking me who Dr. Lisa turns to when she is not in the office practicing. The question caught me off guard. As the days progressed I continued to ponder the question. Who do I turn to? I am human first, and then Dr. Lisa. Yes, it is true I spend a good deal of my life working with patients with eating disorders and mood disorders. And, when I am not listening in my office, I am teaching at a university. When I am not teaching or practicing I am working on revising my dissertation (Spiritual Recovery from Food Addiction) for the public audience. I retitled my manuscript: In God's Hand...The Long Journey: A Spiritual Recovery from Food Addiction. No doubt, recovering from food addiction (or any addiction) is a life-long journey.

It is a life-long journey for me as well. Although I have devoted my life to helping others, and I feel like I am in a balanced and centered place, I am human first. So...why is the patient's question, "Who does Dr. Lisa turn to?" still lingering? It always goes back to I must remember I am human first. There once was a time I was struggling with my weight (100 pounds to be exact) and I had no where to turn. I did not understand why my eating was so out of control. How could I weigh 135 pounds one moment and then 234 the next? Up and down with my weight...from 20 pounds to 100 pounds, back up to 50 pounds, down 20...and on and on it would go. Until one day something clicked and I got it. To date, I have released 100 pounds and have maintained this loss for years and years.

Yes, I keep a "normal" weight, and cravings are gone, and it appears as though I am really in a good place. With that said, make no mistake, I am human first and definitely not out of the woods. It is a daily journey. Yes, it is true I do not eat sugar, flour, and wheat, and it seems as though I am skipping along just fine. And...for the most part, I am. But...in all honesty, I do have my days where I wish I could be like everyone (who ever that might be!) else. I wish to eat a chocolate bar, or a piece of cake, or something indulgent. But...the fact of the matter is, I am a food addict. There...I said it. The doc is a food addict. What does that mean? It means I have a chemical imbalance. If I eat certain foods I can not stop eating. I do not have a thermostat that indicates I am full. I will eat and eat...and yes eat some more. I don't know how to eat a piece of cake, only the whole cake and then some.

So...back to the question. Who do I turn to when I am not working in my practice? I could not fine one simple answer. The saying, "it takes a village to raise a child" fits nicely. It takes a village to keep me clear and balanced. My village is built around: God, my twelve-step program, my sponsor, my walks, prayer, mediation, my patients, my students, my family, and my old fashion personal journal I have been keeping since the age of 13. As I was pondering my village, I thought about how great it would be to share my journal with anyone out there feeling they had nobody to turn to when they wanted to eat...or not. So...voila! My first blog is born! I want to share my day to day life with you. And I want to hear about your day to day life. You are not alone...and now I am not alone. I have my anchors: God, nature, prayer, meditation, my sponsor, a twelve-step program, my personal journal, and now you. Thank you!





Photo taken by: Lisa Ortigara Crego