Death is so Final

Death is so final. When I learned of Whitney Houston’s untimely death I was greatly saddened—one more addicted person lost their life. The loss of this great icon shadowed my own personal tragedies of people I loved who died before their time. As I reminisce in my mind there are so many losses.

I’ve said too many good byes to friends, family members, acquaintances, and patients but none touched me so deeply as the loss of my best friend Yvonne, which Whitney Huston’s death so mirrored.

I moved to Chicago when I was one notch above adolescents with not a penny to my name, no vehicle, job, or a place of my own to live. After countless attempts to work in an office as a secretary, I landed a job as a hostess in a family owned Italian restaurant and soon graduated to a waitress position followed by bar tending. A quirky, feisty blond with a loud boisterous laugh caught my attention. I knew no one in Chicago and this upbeat, positive blond bombshell named Yvonne, who reminded me of Bette Midler with her looks, voice, and personality, was the first to welcome me and embrace me as her friend.

Yvonne and I were inseparable from the first encounter when I timidly ordered a drink for one of my tables and she sported a toothy grin in response, we clicked—soul mates. Yvonne was a total blast. She laughed easily and cried freely—she felt and expressed her emotions intensely. She brought the fun out in me. We were like Oprah and Gayle King. I was the serious one (like Oprah) yet, if prompted, I had quite the funny bone when I let down my guard and trusted a person into my personal space. Yvonne, on the other hand, was smiley and friendly (like Gayle) and open to anyone and everyone. She was very social, while I preferred to be alone when I wasn’t working or studying.

Our plan was to grow old together and sit in rocking chairs on a front porch, sip on lemonade and recall the “good ole days.” 

And then Yvonne died at the young age of 44.

According to Yvonne’s two sons, their mom mixed alcohol with anti-anxiety medication before going to sleep and didn’t wake up. I was shocked.  This was nearly 15 years ago and yet it seems like yesterday.

Yvonne and I were yin and yang—total opposites, yet our core was the same. We both believed in the Divine Source, psychology, addictions, and family. She had a tendency to over drink and use prescription medication and I was a total “foody”.  Although our family of origins were completely different, we both had very difficult childhoods and coped with our emotions inappropriately. I couldn’t stop eating. She couldn't stop drinking. When she drank it was excessive (whiskey on one rock!) and she dabbled with cocaine. When I ate it was a bag of cookies followed by doughnuts, and topped off with candy bars.

I didn’t understand her disease and she certainly didn’t get mine.

Yvonne’s body was svelte and her blond main blew in the wind. She laughed easily and effortlessly. I had medium length light auburn hair and a plump body and I was ultra conservative and serious. You could say I had a low grade depression while she was hyped.

Yes, Frick and Frack we were.

The death of Whitney Houston brought the death of my dearest and best friend to the surface, although it’s never too far from my mind. Listening to the talk radio hosts poke snide remarks about Whitney made me think about my own addiction (food) and Yvonne’s  addiction (alcohol and prescription medication).

I don’t think anyone on planet earth signs up for a life of total misery with cravings, indulgences, and crashes.  Whether we are born with it or pick it up from our environment, or a combination of the two—it’s devastating. It’s devastating for everyone, the addictive person certainly, and their friends and family, who watch the slow suicide helplessly.

I was one of the fortunate ones—I hung up my food addiction and turned to recovery while around the same time Yvonne took her last breath. I knew I had to get off the merry-go-round and nip this problem in the bud or risk health consequences. I chose abstinence from sugar, flour, and wheat and turned to a Higher Energy  Source(God)—and it worked.  It wasn’t that I was an overnight success but rather it was a process.

Today, only a few short weeks after Whitney Houston’s death, the tabloid buzz has died down—people moved on. How sad one more addicted person’s life taken by the lost battle with addictions. The end of a great icon and the end of my best friend Yvonne, to never hear their laughter and voice, though it’s forever embedded in our memory.

Death is so final. Or is it?  Sometimes when I look up at the stars late at night I find the twinkle mirrors the sparkle in their once wide eyed brown eyes.  Perhaps Yvonne and Whitney are angels—and they'll live on through us                                                                              

http://weightcontroltherapy.com/

Photos by: Dr. Lisa Ortigara Crego

Binge Eating Disorder vs. Food Addiction

Do I have Binge Eating Disorder or is it Food Addiction, or Could it be a Combination of Both? Have you ever gone back for an extra serving of food when you weren't hungry? How about mindless eating between meals on occasion? I’m sure most of us at some time or another took an additional serving (or two) of food or ate unplanned meals especially during holidays, birthdays, and long weekends. Let's face it temptations to over-indulge are all around us.

So, what makes the difference between an occasional over indulgence, or binge eating? What about food addiction? When is it a food addiction? To make matters more confusing, when is it binge eating disorder and when it is food addiction? And, could it actually be a combination of the two?

When was the last time you binged a bushel of apples or a bucket of broccoli? I'm willing to bet not too often. How about a box of cookies, bag of potato chips, or chocolate bars? Ah...hitting a nerve am I? If you look around I am certain you will see at every turn someone who binge eats. Do you?

Millions of Americans hide, steal, and hoard food anticipating a secret binge. After their indulgence they're filled with remorse and shame promising to never over eat again. One of the least discussed and most common eating disorder is binge eating disorder. Binge eating is defined as over eating a large amount of food in a small period of time, at least three times a week for six months or longer. Binge eating, or compulsive eating—as it is more familiarly known—affects more than 20 million people in the United States alone. And yet, we focus more on bulimia nervosa and anorexia when it comes to eating disorders.

In my practice, the majority of my eating disordered patients suffer from binge eating disorder and/or obesity. This isn't to say all bingers are obese or even overweight, because some actually can be of normal weight. Also, not all overweight persons binge eat. And where does food addiction fit into the mix? The biggest challenge is to sort through whether the patient has food addiction, binge eating disorder, or a combination of the two.

The food addict also eats a large amount of food in a small period of time, and like compulsive eating, it comes with consequences that can be lethal, such as obesity, heart disease, relationship issues, body image, and et cetera. The big difference between the two disorders is food addicts crave specific foods that are uncontrollable no matter what attempts they put forth to stop (i.e., dieting, restricting, exercising, et cetera).

I liken food addiction, an uncontrollable craving for high sugar and processed foods, to recreational drugs such as cocaine, heroin, and nicotine. And the food addict needs to consume the sugary/starchy substance in order to function—to feel "normal." In all addiction cases, the substance dependent consumes larger amounts of their drug for longer periods than were normally intended with a persistent desires or repeated unsuccessful attempts to quit—even if it interrupts social, recreational, and family interaction—because the addicted substance takes precedence.

When it comes to treatment for binge eating disorder it is often not about the food but rather about the emotional deficits. When it comes to treatment for food addiction it is about the food—specific foods that trigger the compulsion to consume large amounts of it no matter what the cost. Although binge eating disorder and food addiction share many of the same symptoms, food addiction shares the emotional component of binge eating disorder as well as the symptoms such as obsession with body, weight, mood shifts, closet eating, stealing, where compulsive eating is about the inability to deal with emotions.

I suffered from food addiction and binge eating disorder as far back as I can remember—I just didn't know what it was called. I thought there was something wrong with me mentally. I craved chocolate, doughnuts, chips, and anything gooey and sweet beyond normalcy and I tried every diet under the sun—including diet pills, commercial diet centers, starvation, over exercising, none of which helped me tame the compulsion to eat beyond full in spite of the detrimental consequences, which in my case was obesity.

I wish I knew then what I know now about eating disorders, treatment, and spiritual recovery. Perhaps I could have avoided all the pain and suffering with my weight up and my weight down—an endless battle—until now. Today, I live life without the torture of worrying about getting heavy, craving foods I can’t control the amount of—and spiritually my cup is full. So, if you are one to eat an extra serving, two, or three beyond holidays, birthdays, and long weekend temptations, when you weren't hungry, to the point of devastating consequences that hamper the quality of your life, perhaps you may suffer from an eating disorder such as food addiction, binge eating disorder (compulsive eating) or both intertwined.

My 20 years experience as a clinical psychotherapist, a PhD in addiction psychology, certified eating disorder specialist, certified addiction professional, and national board certified clinical hypnotherapist has not only made me a recognized expert in my field, but also made me privy to understanding the experience of those (and myself) releasing their obsessions with food and turning to their connection with the divine energy (known as God for some)and people.

Photos by Dr. Lisa Ortigara Crego

The Doctor is Human First...

I was just talking to a patient the other day and she was asking me who Dr. Lisa turns to when she is not in the office practicing. The question caught me off guard. As the days progressed I continued to ponder the question. Who do I turn to? I am human first, and then Dr. Lisa. Yes, it is true I spend a good deal of my life working with patients with eating disorders and mood disorders. And, when I am not listening in my office, I am teaching at a university. When I am not teaching or practicing I am working on revising my dissertation (Spiritual Recovery from Food Addiction) for the public audience. I retitled my manuscript: In God's Hand...The Long Journey: A Spiritual Recovery from Food Addiction. No doubt, recovering from food addiction (or any addiction) is a life-long journey.

It is a life-long journey for me as well. Although I have devoted my life to helping others, and I feel like I am in a balanced and centered place, I am human first. So...why is the patient's question, "Who does Dr. Lisa turn to?" still lingering? It always goes back to I must remember I am human first. There once was a time I was struggling with my weight (100 pounds to be exact) and I had no where to turn. I did not understand why my eating was so out of control. How could I weigh 135 pounds one moment and then 234 the next? Up and down with my weight...from 20 pounds to 100 pounds, back up to 50 pounds, down 20...and on and on it would go. Until one day something clicked and I got it. To date, I have released 100 pounds and have maintained this loss for years and years.

Yes, I keep a "normal" weight, and cravings are gone, and it appears as though I am really in a good place. With that said, make no mistake, I am human first and definitely not out of the woods. It is a daily journey. Yes, it is true I do not eat sugar, flour, and wheat, and it seems as though I am skipping along just fine. And...for the most part, I am. But...in all honesty, I do have my days where I wish I could be like everyone (who ever that might be!) else. I wish to eat a chocolate bar, or a piece of cake, or something indulgent. But...the fact of the matter is, I am a food addict. There...I said it. The doc is a food addict. What does that mean? It means I have a chemical imbalance. If I eat certain foods I can not stop eating. I do not have a thermostat that indicates I am full. I will eat and eat...and yes eat some more. I don't know how to eat a piece of cake, only the whole cake and then some.

So...back to the question. Who do I turn to when I am not working in my practice? I could not fine one simple answer. The saying, "it takes a village to raise a child" fits nicely. It takes a village to keep me clear and balanced. My village is built around: God, my twelve-step program, my sponsor, my walks, prayer, mediation, my patients, my students, my family, and my old fashion personal journal I have been keeping since the age of 13. As I was pondering my village, I thought about how great it would be to share my journal with anyone out there feeling they had nobody to turn to when they wanted to eat...or not. So...voila! My first blog is born! I want to share my day to day life with you. And I want to hear about your day to day life. You are not alone...and now I am not alone. I have my anchors: God, nature, prayer, meditation, my sponsor, a twelve-step program, my personal journal, and now you. Thank you!





Photo taken by: Lisa Ortigara Crego