Easter Day...

When I think of pale yellow daffodils with deep golden centers the first thought that pops into my head is Easter and spring time. The second thought is Lent. Today is Easter and Lent has come to a close.

My Lenten plan was to go to church every Sunday and to be kind to everyone—no matter what. Well, I didn’t quite make it, but I did my best. Lent is the forty-day-long liturgical season of fasting and prayer before Easter. I definitely don’t engage in the fasting part, as anyone who knows me will tell you I’m not nice when I’m deprived of "my" food. So, I continue to eat my three healthy meals a day with a half meal as a snack, and it works like a charm.

When I think of the meaning of Lent, I can't help but slip into my many memories of vowing to God I will not eat chocolate, sugar, and flour for forty days and forty nights. Back in the days, on Ash Wednesday, I would sit in the pew, teeth clenched, with the promise to never ever binge on sugary, chocolaty foods starting day one of Lent. I promised—only to fall a few short days into my penance.

This morning with church jam packed from one end to the other, I was without a seat, pressed against the side wall with an opportunity to observe everyone. As I looked around the church, watching all those sitting comfy in their pew, I let my mind wander, while a priest I didn’t know went on talking about how great it was to see the church full, and at the same time I scanned the room assessing and guessing what each person gave up for lent and questioned if they were relieved that today they can indulge once again, or if they made it as far as they intended on Ash Wednesday.

Then my mind reverted back to myself—hmmm—I guess I could yell at someone today. Not. I can't miss the point and move in the wrong spiritual direction of where I strive to be. As my mind continued to wander and wonder which of these folks gave up alcohol, or maybe drugs, sex...or some behavior or thought they were agonizing over. I used to give up this, that, or the other, and made it for just a few days before succumbing to my addiction: food.

As far back as a small child I gave up candy for Lent. And even then I couldn’t string but a few days together before diving into some gooey treat. If mom didn’t catch me then my conscience did. I always felt God watched and one day He would punish me for will power deficit. But, today I know my God of understanding is filled with love and that will power has nothing to do with addiction and that abstinence for me was (and is) the resolution. Today, I left church snug, with my conscience in tact, and feeling all the glory of Easter.

It is evident to me that I have come a very long way from those many Lenten seasons of the past. I made my way back to my car smiling and nodding at others and they responded in kind—I pondered to myself on how warm and loving their eyes were and at the extra gaze they so generously gave. I think I’ll continue practicing kindness and love.


Photo by: Dr. Lisa Ortigara Crego

Patience

Patience was never one of my strong suits. Two years ago when I was up at my sisters cottages, which have been in my family for many generations, I commented on the beauty of Great Grandma's (Baba) lilies that are sprinkled about and how they are still going even though she has long passed.


My brother-in-law over hearing my enthusiasm and gratitude over Baba's flowers, surprised me the day I was flying home with 6 plants he uprooted for me to take back to Florida. Everyone scoffed at the idea saying these lilies could never grow in Florida soil.


Ignoring the nay sayers, my husband and I got busy and planted all 6 in the ground as soon as I landed and we returned to our Florida home. And...they all died! And then a strange thing happened. A few months after their death green foliage sprouted, but nothing more. Years passed. And today, to my glee I walked by and spotted this orange flower swinging to the breeze.


What a lesson in patience! I am so glad we did not give up and dig the plants out. Releasing weight and recovering from an eating disorder works the same way. Often you want to throw in the towel and just give up, especially if your are worshipping the scale. I know I never had patience to lose weight. I was jumping on and off the scale on a daily basis. Then one day (many years ago) a very wise friend of mine suggested I trust my food plan and turn the rest over to God. Wow...that was a bit much for me. First off, I never thought of my food and weight a God thing. I always thought about it as a lack of will power on my part. But, I thought with a hundred extra pounds hanging on my body what did I have to lose? Okay...I stepped into that one: 100 pounds!!!


I learned a profound lesson. I stopped worshipping the scales and trusted a power greater than me. I put all my attention on what I was eating: weighing and measuring it. I let go of sugar, flour and wheat and turned the rest over to this power bigger and grander than little ole me. And I waited. And waited. And waited. Nothing. A little like Baba's orange lily. I was barely losing a pound every few weeks. I decided to let go of the daily ritual and worship of weighing my body and instead turned to once a month and trusted my plan would work. Some months I dropped a pound. Some months nothing. Other months I got a hand full of pounds off. But I stuck to leaving the scale to the power greater than me. Slowly and steadily my body changed, my spirituality strengthened, and my confidence soared. I like to think of it like healing. My body, mind, and spirit were healing.

My little flower could not have come at a better time. Today, 11 years ago, April 11, 1998, my Mom had a massive stroke at 4:00 a.m. I got the call from my Dad and by 8:00 a.m. I was in the car headed to Madeira Beach. We were suppose to have a lovely Easter Sunday together; all the preparations were waiting in the kitchen, even the little basket for Benjamin who was then 8 years of age. Life changed in that moment I received the call. I believe my Mom would be here today if she had understood eating disorders and obesity. My mission is to carry the news to those living and suffering from eating disorders...


So, here I am today reflecting on patience. I attach my weight loss success and my peace with my addictive foods to patience. Just like my little orange flower, blowing in the wind, I have sprouted my own pedals. I too needed a little soil, watering, sun, and love. I am grateful to have a piece of Wautoma, Wisconsin (Baba) in my back yard. It was worth the wait just as letting go of 100 pounds was worth the years it took. Today, I am at a healthy normal weight...never worried about what to wear or what to eat, just sticking to weighing and measuring my food, not eating sugar, flour, or wheat, and turning everything over to a power greather than me. Life is good.

Photos by: Dr. Lisa Ortigara Crego

Lenten Season and Abstinence

When I think of tulips the first thought that pops into my head is Easter and spring time. The second thought is Lent. Ash Wednesday (yesterday) was the start of the Lenten season. Wikipedia (the free encyclopedia on-line!) defines Lent (in some Christian denominations) as the forty-day-long liturgical season of fasting and prayer before Easter. I don't know about the fasting part, as I am not nice when I am deprived of "my" food: Ask my family!!!

When I think of the meaning of Lent I can't help but slip into my many memories of vowing to God I will never eat chocolate, sugar, and flour again. I would sit in the pew, teeth clenched, promising I will never ever binge on sugary, chocolaty foods. I promise! Only to fall a few short days into my penance.

Well, yesterday as I looked around the church, sitting comfy in my pew, I let my mind wander (while Father Tom was explaining the meaning of Lent...about how this is the season of preparation for the believer—through prayer, penitence, alms-giving, and self-denial...for the next 6 weeks until Easter) and began to scan the room assessing what each person might be struggling with. Perhaps some were giving up alcohol, or maybe drugs, sex...or some behavior or thought they were agonizing over. I recall when I would give up this, that...or the other...and make it for just a few days before succumbing to my food addiction.

As far back as a small child I was giving up candy for Lent. And even then I could not string but a few days together before diving into some gooey treat. I remember Mom catching me with a huge bag of candies I had bought from The Penny's Store only a few days after giving up sweets as part of my penance. Mom was furious and put the bag in the third drawer of the dresser in her bedroom. The very same bedroom and dresser I found the cough medicine with a terrifying picture of a scull on the back side reading: Poison! Although the picture was frightening, as I was barely 5 years of age, it did not stop me from guzzling down a good portion of the bottle. I was attracted to the sugary cherry taste...and ended up in the hospital to get my stomach pumped.

Okay, I digressed...back to the candy in the third drawer in my parents bedroom. I would sneak in their room every day to steal a piece (okay..several pieces!) always feeling God was watching me and I would be punished for this. But, I could not stop myself. This "thing" would come over me and I HAD TO HAVE it. I think of it like a run away train...no way is it going to stop for quite a distance.

I racked up years of unsuccessful attempts at giving up sweets for Lent until one year (about 13 years ago) I gave up chocolate, sugar, and white flour for Lent. For real! No cheating. No taking breaks on Sunday. No excuses. I abstained the entire forty days and forty nights and weekends too! After about the first three days I began to feel absolutely fabulous. I was free of cravings, low self-worth disappeared, mood swings corrected, body aches became nonexistent, not to mention weight began to release. I had dropped several sizes in the weeks of abstinence. And I was at a good weight to begin with as I had "dieted" off nearly 100 pounds.

I remember driving up to the West Coast of Florida to spend Easter with Mom and my then little boy Benjamin, feeling absolutely fantastic and "swearing" I would not break my abstinence simply because it was Easter and I could (according to the church). This particular Easter Mom had the really good stuff: Cadbury Easter Eggs (dark chocolate). How could I possibly go an Easter without a Cadbury Easter Egg? That was it! I dove in and ate the entire weekend...and went on for quite a few years before giving up the sugar, flour, and wheat for good.

It was evident to me yesterday that I have come a very long way from those many Lenten seasons of the past. As I sat in the pew wondering who had eaten what, or drugged with their last drug, or smoked their last cigarette, I smiled within and thanked God that I no longer had to sit with a clenched jaw thinking about what "substance" I had to give up; but, rather was grateful for how far I have come, able to let go of the sugar, flour, and wheat...not just for the Lenten season but for years and years. Furthermore, I have been able to help many others do the same through self-hypnosis and psychotherapy. I recognize my growth and witness their positive changes as well.

I left the church feeling strong and healthy and good about myself. As I made my way back to my car smiling at others while they were responding with smiles I thought were extra big, I pondered to myself on how kind and loving their nods were and extra big smiles they so generously gave. That is until I got into the car to examine my ashes on my forehead and realized the Deacon had "got" me again! Every year he seems to put the biggest, darkest cross of ashes on my forehead almost taking up the entire space. I guess the mark is to humble me and wake me from my stoic place.

Photo taken by: Lisa Ortigara Crego